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Written by Pat Fortunato
kilts2.jpgRemember the post on Bravehearts: Men in Skirts, an exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art?  It was kinda long: the piece, not the skirts. So now, a new, shorter version in time for St. Patrick's Day.

Men wearing skirts is nothing new. Besides kilts, there have been caftans, saris, and sarongs, not to mention loincloths (think of them as the first mini-skirts).

Could this became a new fashion trend? Designers think so, because it "frees the legs," is "less restricting," and is so "fashion forward." Really? Maybe for that hot young model on the runway, but if you're looking for an actual fashion trend for actual men, don't hold your breath. It will never happen, and here's why:

Last year, I rediscovered my legs. I bought a jacket — and  a matching skirt (I think that's called A Suit). Cute, with a leather strip and flouncy thing on the bottom. This is not the first skirt I've bought in the last decade, but this time, I actually wore it.

So here's the thing. When you wear something feminine, you behave differently (think tilting of the head, tossing of the hair, crossing of the legs), you have more fun, and you want to repeat the experience. So, when you're off to meet Alex Simmons for a drink at the National Arts Club (scene of the first leg revealing episode), you reach for . . . the skirt!

Not so fast, Fortunato! It was raining. Really raining. Not a drizzle, not a light shower, but a drenching downpour, and a girl could get her legs wet and ruin her shoes. With a skirt, you have to pay attention to these things. They show.

And so, with a heavy heart — alas, no longer brave —I abandoned all hope of flounciness and reached for Old Reliable, the black pants suit and black waterproof boots. And I remembered why I had stopped wearing skirts in the first place . . .                                 Go to Read More




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Written by Pat Fortunato
caveman.jpgOkay, so it's Defending the Caveman.

Man, as in Rob Becker, who wrote the play. Man as in Paul Perroni, who performs it on — or pretty close to — Broadway.

But I am the woman whose life it changed the first time I saw it, more than 10 years ago.

Here's the thing: you know how men leave their laundry on the floor? And how pissed you get about that? Especially when they leave it next to or on top of the hamper. Sigh. So close. (Can't they go the extra inch?) And yet so far. (No, apparently they can't.)

Well, don't get your knickers in a knot, ladies, because those are not just Jockey Shorts lying there. That's The Circle of Sacred Underwear.

From the dawn of time, man has felt this burning need to establish his territory. Modern man is no different, but doesn't have rocks and sticks , so he uses underwear. Once you, as a woman, understand this, you will be truly liberated. You will never pick up dirty shorts again. You will step over The Circle. Carefully. Just in case.

This is great for your relationship and . . .



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Written by Pat Fortunato
So when you achieve it, you're practically speechless. Words, as they say (using words, of course) cannot express such feelings. But I'll try.
shirleycloset.jpg
Would you believe that the very same person who couldn't find anything in her own apartment (I've Lost It !) and threatened to hire the detectives of Law & Order to find all the MII's  (articles Missing In Inaction) has turned into a "Do I really need this, no, I'll throw it out and make more room" kind of gal.

Who knew?

As a woman under the influence — of a Closet Cleaner named Shirley — I have gone beyond mere clothes and shoes, and have even cleared out the medicine chest over the sink, the one that contains no medicine but lots of products from Clarins, YSL, Estee Lauder, and Chanel. A lot less than it was yesterday, though. Plus, I found some nice peachy blush and the perfect eyebrow pencil.

That's the thing about clearing things out: among all the junk you should have thrown out ages ago, you find a treasure or two. And it's free! This shopping in your closet philosophy is definitely an idea whose time has come.

And now, in the interest of full disclosure, and because a picture is worth oh you know, I'm going to show you my drawers . . .



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Mon
22
Feb
2010
Written by Pat Fortunato

I've been called an aesthete. I've been called a lot worse, but let's not go there.

Since an aesthete is a person who loves beauty, you'd think that was a good thing. No way. Loving beauty is SO last century.

And it's not just this year. From the first time we were told to "let it all hang out," we have been on a slippery slope, slip-sliding away from beauty and moving towards a very unattractive world —  although not without contradictions. At the moment, we are breathtakingly ambivalent about beauty, both chasing it and chasing it away.

brangelinablog.jpgSure, we love Angelina Jolie as the genetic wonder she is, and worship at her lips, if not her feet. As a couple, Brangelina wins first place in the Hubba Hubba Couples Olympics. We also forgive a lot if a person is good looking. Two words: Sarah Palin.

On the other hand, we're really into the ugly, the edgy, the uncomfortable. Take the movie, Precious. Critics loved it, warning that it's a difficult movie to watch. They say this as if you get extra points for looking at something disturbing.

You do get many politically correct points if you don't mention that its star is not merely overweight, but dangerously fat. Extra poundage isn't necessarily ugly; it can be attractive or at least comforting. Think of your favorite, always-struggling-with-her-weight, Aunt Sadie. We used to call it "pleasingly plump," and full-bodied women have been worshipped from prehistoric times to Christina Hendricks on current cover of New York Magazine. Talk about Hubba Hubba  . . .

                                                                                                 GO TO READ MORE



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Written by Pat Fortunato
dreamstime_12435794.jpgDear Reader:

Guess what? Today is not just Valentine's day —  it's the first anniversary of this blog!

A year ago today I launched something truly dangerous: A blog that wasn't about cats, politics, economics, celebrities, or the political economics of cats owned by celebrities.

Whoa! I have nothing against cats. I like them! They like me.

But I felt there was a place on the blogosphere for essays on a wide range of subjects linked only by the inescapable fact that I seem to see things in a manner somewhat askew. Rather like that sentence, if you get my drift.

oliviapic.jpgOne of the first blogs, and still a favorite, is: I'VE LOST IT! about how the detectives of Law & Order should come to my apartment to find all those things that are missing, because these cops can toss a crib and find anything. Besides, who doesn't love Olivia?

Another was: OH, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TOSS COINS! about losing my thong.jpgunderwear near the Trevi Fountain in Rome. No, really.

Readers also liked IT'S CURTAINS FOR ME about my decorating disasters, and grown women wept over WITH A THONG IN MY HEART, about the heartbreak of buying a bathing suit.

Soon, comments started rolling in . . .

                                                          (Go to READ MORE)

 



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Bitter Patter


Thanks for all your great comments on
the one-year anniversary of
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M NOT BITTER®!

When I'm not writing blogs,  I sometimes actually cook.
I also drink wine. (A girl does not live by martinis alone.)
So, I'm happy to direct you to a great new blog about food and wine
to help you eat better and not become bitter:
grapesandgreens.blogspot.com

 
DID YOU KNOW?
Puppy Mama & Daddy
have decided what to call their precious pooch.
Click on
Name That Puppy! Then scroll down to the last comment.

One-Word

Movie Reviews:
Hurt Locker: "
Nerve-wracking"
Ghost Writer:
"Engrossing"
A Single Man
: "Poignant"
Julie & Julia: "Delicious!"
Whatever Works
: "Doesn't."
Paris: "Magnifique!"

Go to "Welcome to My Blog" under MENU
to leave a comment about anything in
BITTER PATTER.

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COMING SOON:

A Special "Encore"
Post In Time For
St. Patrick's Day —
MEN IN SHIRTS:
The Short Version



WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I say inaccurately,
your vocabulary is in the toilet!


MULTI TASKING:

The Saga Continues
By A Guest Blogger
To Be Announced




 













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