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Fri

Apr

2009

Fully Committed

Written by Pat Fortunato

Hi, Sara:
As Reservations Clerk in Chief (How did I get this friggin' job?),

"One ringy dingy"

I am here to report that we will be back from Ocean Grove Sunday afternoon after all, so we could meet you for an early dinner.
How early do you want to make it? Five? Six?
I checked with Scarlatto, which is in the theatre district (where you’ll be) and which also happens to be where I left my hat the last time I was there (It's a cute hat!) and the food is good, so. . .
Give me a time and I'll make the reservation.
Love, Pat

So how did I get this friggin' job? Why am I always writing e-mails like the one above? Why am I constantly looking up restaurants in Zagat, and plays in Time Out New York (before I cancelled my subscription because they started getting so weird)? What ever happened to spontaneity? I guess that my question really is . . . Why me?

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You Go, Guys!

Written by Pat Fortunato

I want a wedding. Not one of my own, silly. Been there (Finally!). Done that (Amen).
What I want is to be invited to a gay wedding. Soon. Adam and Steve: Are you listening?
I’m not kidding about this.

I have fantasies about gay weddings, especially between two guys. I’m thinking really tasteful with all the perfect touches, like Charlotte’s in Sex and the City— but with more flair. Isn't it ironic (not to mention romantic): gays out-traditionaling the traditionalists. I saw a photo of two grooms wearing white tuxes with pink shirts and ties. I may have the Wedding Bell Blues, but they were pink and white — and looked fabulous! I can only imagine the flowers and the table arrangements.

On the other hand . . . I hope that some of these weddings will be out-and-out outrageous—like the gay prom in Sex and the City. I want to get a taffeta dress from the thrift shop, with tulle maybe, get big hair, and wear too much makeup.

Ah, but perhaps I’m being too optimistic. Maybe gay weddings will turn out to be just like most heterosexual weddings: big, obscenely expensive, with music so loud you have to read lips to get through dinner. Oh, I hope not. But come on, let’s roll the dice on this one, folks.
Make it legal! Let them eat wedding cake! If they have the bread, it could be a really great cake, with two grooms on the top and everything.

Of course, I may have to move to Iowa . . .

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Gotham Girl Meets GOSSIP GIRL

Written by Pat Fortunato

Working by day as a mild-mannered blogger for I Can’t Believe I’m Not Bitter, Pat Fortunato has been known to put on a trench-coat and dark glasses and turn into Gotham Girl, gathering info for pieces like this, which appeared in part in Woman Around Town:

Neither rain, nor sleet nor gloom of public transportation can keep Gotham Girl from her appointed rounds — at the Silvercup Studios in Long Island City, where she visited the set of Gossip Girl. And who wouldn’t brave the weather not to mention the F train, when behind the door marked Stage X (How appropriate is that?) you'll find the show that is, admit it, your favorite guilty pleasure. Right up there with mac ‘n cheese and Mallomars, anyway.

But how did "A Girl Like I,” long, long, out of high school, not from the upper crust of the Upper East Side, not, in fact, the slightest bit like anyone on this hot series —except that I, too, drink martinis — become addicted to this show?

I have an excuse, sort of. All junkies do . . .

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Define "Casual"

Written by Pat Fortunato

Once upon a time, when you went to a party, you "dressed up" in the outfit of the moment, complete with matching shoes, purse, and whatever jewelry went with The Look. There was the A-Line, The Mini, the Little Nothing (AKA the Shift), long full skirts, long tight skirts, short tight skirts, pumps, mules (now called slides, and for good reason), platform shoes, huge gold earrings, Gypsy-style hoop earrings, circle pins, simple stands of pearls, and oh, you get the picture.

To be well dressed, you had to be up on the latest style, then cut down on non-essentials —such as food —so you could afford the right clothes. Well, you had to fit into that dress anyway. The only other obstacle was getting through the party without someone else showing up in exactly the same outfit.
Which happened.

To understand this quaint phenomenon, see almost any rerun of I Love Lucy. But if Lucy and Ethel had problems then, think of how they’d handle going out for an evening these days. . .

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My Night At The Pussy Cat Lounge

Written by Pat Fortunato

The story you are about to read is true.
Only the names have been changed to protect . . .whoever.

So. How do you know that the new man you’re dating is a stand-up guy?

You could meet his mother, which I did.
You could talk to his kids, who were very welcoming, and obviously liked their Dad.
You could Google him, but this was in the Dark Ages, before google was a verb.
You could ask your friends, who gave him the thumbs up right away.
You could just trust your instinct, even though your instinct had been miles off in the past.

I found another way — although you might not want to try it anytime soon. For me, the question was answered definitively one fateful night when I asked him to rescue me from The Pussy Cat Lounge. That really sealed the deal.

Wait! Before you jump to conclusions (or anything else), let me tell you the story. It doesn't begin on a dark and stormy night, although things did get a tad turbulent in the course of the evening. It began, in fact, on a lovely Spring day . . .

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Bitter Patter

AFTER A MONTH OF RERUNS

(YOU KNOW YOU LOVED THEM)
A NEW SEASON
BEGINS WITH
IS FACEBOOK DEAD?

AND CONTINUES WITH
SUPERMAN:
COOL OR CRUEL

FREE ADVICE
FOR FRESHMAN

BUT YOU CAN STILL CATCH
THE RERUNS:
THE ELEVEN STAGES
OF PACKING
AKA:I'm Packin'

BRING COLACE!
AKA: Trouble in Paradise

CIAO, BABY!
AKA:Oh, You're Supposed To Toss COINS!

FABULOUS FOURTH
AKA:Fireworks 'R Us

Meanwhile . . .
ARE YOU SMARTER
THAN BETTY WHITE?

We're on YouTube!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvaxQfQgto0

Attn: Oliver Clark
Check out
The 13th Floor

WHAT'SWITH
"THE WEIGHT?"
Click the link on the post to see TheBand on YouTube

One-word
Movie Reviews
Past & Present:

The Kids Are All Right: "Alright!"
Despicable Me: "Delightful"
The Secret In Their Eyes: "Wow!"
SATC2: "(What) City?"
Crazy Heart: "Heartwarming"
Up!: "Uplifting!"
Hurt Locker: "Nerve-wracking"
The White Ribbon: "Brilliant"
Precious: "Semi"
Ghost Writer: "Engrossing"
A Single Man: "Poignant"
Julie & Julia: "Delicious!"
It's Complicated: "Scumptious!"
Whatever Works: "Doesn't"

Because when I am not blogging, I sometimes cook,
and because woman does not live
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:
grapesandgreens.blogspot.com

To comment on
The Bitter News
click on:
Welcome to My Blog

Scroll down to
PAT'S FAVORITES
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from the past.

Pat's Favorites

The Letter You Can't Refuse
FIREWORKS 'R US
Nothing Is Simple: Wedding Bell Blues
Decorating Disaster: It's Curtains For Me!
MY LIFE ON POST-ITS
My Night At The Pussy Cat Lounge
Yo, Universe!
Oh! You're Supposed To Toss COINS!
Life By Lottery
I've Lost It! (AKA Law and Disorder)

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Fully Committed

You Go, Guys!

Gotham Girl Meets GOSSIP GIRL

Define "Casual"

My Night At The Pussy Cat Lounge

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