Sun 16 Aug 2009 |
|
The warning signs of a Bad Dating Situation (or BADS) are like the
clues in a cheesy detective story: obvious to everyone but the victim.Let's face it, this guy is wrong for you, probably for the planet as a whole, but you, my sweet, are in total denial. If this were a song parody, it'd go something like, "You've got the BADS and that ain't good. . ." BADS from my own checkered past include the boyfriend who neither the bartender at my favorite place nor the owner of my favorite restaurant liked. These people know people. They asked me pointed questions about the guy which I dodged, fudged, evaded, and generally ignored. Not smart. This so-called boyfriend, who turned out to be married (which he only admitted after I got suspicious when he could never see me on weekends), swore that his marriage was for all intents and purposes over, and that he was only living in the same house with his wife because of the children. Any of this sound familiar? One night, when we were sitting at one of those cosy little tables in the corner, he literally leaped out of his seat when he saw someone he knew from his other life enter the restaurant. I should have leaped, too, and run, not walked, to the nearest exit. Period, end of story. Which was one of his favorite expressions. But I didn't. And all I'll say about the rest of the story is that it did not have a happy ending . . . And Speaking of Marriage. . . My dumbest handling of The BADS was when I bought some very expensive skis for one son of a bitch, and he went off on a ski trip - without me! Over the Christmas holidays! And get this: not only did I not immediately choose one of the 50 ways Paul Simon has given me to leave my lover, I married him. Guess how that turned out. Oh well, I can't be too hard on myself. "When your heart's on fire," as that other song goes, "smoke gets in your eyes." Does it ever. We don't have to talk about some of the more totally obvious signs of The BADS-as if running out of a restaurant or taking off with the skis aren't obvious - do we? I mean, if all your friends hate him, if he insults you or puts you down, or god forbid, he gets violent, there's nothing much more I can say. But some signs are a bit more subtle, or slower in coming. In Sickness and In Health . . . After several years of dating, my friend went on a cruise with her boyfriend, who everybody thought was a really nice guy But when she got violently ill on the ship, he expected her to join him for dinner every night, even though she couldn't eat, and to go on tours when the ship docked at all those scenic ports, even though she could hardly get out of bed. Then he got angry with her for falling asleep on the bus. Uh oh. I smell a BADS developing here. Surprise! Surprise! My friend has a new boyfriend now. Let's hope he knows how to take care of a girl when she's under the weather, which she rarely is, by the way. And in a related incident that took place a number of years ago, my boyfriend at the time wouldn't come over to take care of me (or even see me) when I had the flu. Although he was a bit on the hypochondriacal side, he was young, he was healthy, and I didn't have leprosy! But he wouldn't come to my bedside until I got better, and as Dr. Phil would undoubtedly agree, this was not a good indication of a . . . healthy relationship. I don't usually use the word "pussy" unless I'm referring to a baby feline or an infamous strip joint (see below), but that was the word that came to mind. Period. End of story. On a lighter note In Jamaica, where they don't have much use for skis, it's said that you should never give your boyfriend shoes, or he will walk out on you. So I guess that if you ask your guy what he wants for his birthday, and he mentions the words Nike or Puma, you're in trouble. And on a brighter note: If you'd like to hear about some positive omens in of dating, check out My Night at the Pussy Cat Lounge. In spite of everything, sometimes things actually do work out. Okay, girls, I want to hear about your BADS! It will make us all feel better to know we're not alone in this. |
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Comments
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Bitter Patter
NO LAUGHING MATTER:
Did Demi Moore overdose
on laughing gas??
That's what's being reported
to those of us at:
A DEVOUT COWARD
GOES TO THE DENTIST
Have you seen The Artist? Seeing it mentioned at
The Golden Globes reminded me that that not ALL movies are
Incredibly Loud!
Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .
I did it!
I actually got that
LITTLE BLACK DRESS!
How hard was it?
Click on the link above.
I also got my iPhone.
It's great.
Thank you Steve Jobs
Wherever you are.
Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:
http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com
Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them.
I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found.
REVIEWS TO PERUSE
I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!
The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question, played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in. Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.
Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.
Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right? I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it. He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting, pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.
Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.
The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives. A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:
grapesandgreens.blogspot.com
BITTER PATTER
Click on:
Welcome To My Blog
Scroll down to
PAT'S FAVORITES
for a blast
from the past.
The warning signs of a Bad Dating Situation (or BADS) are like the
clues in a cheesy detective story: obvious to everyone but the victim.




Comments
My fear is, by the time I answer that question, I'll be so old it won't matter. I'll forget immediately what the hassle was all about. The big question here, WILL HE?
A week or so after this night of fascination he called. Already yelling he accused me of not wanting to go out with him again. "I would have taken you to a museum or something," he barked. And then where? on to the offices of Dr. Ass and Buttcheeks?
Kisses,
Emme
I just read your comment at BlogCatalog. Fishing and Crabbing! Ha. I just had to stop by and say hello.
What gall! in reference to the below extracted edit from your post:
My dumbest handling of The BADS was when I bought some very expensive skis for one son of a bitch, and he went off on a ski trip - without me!
I once met a guy on a plane and chatted with him all the way to New York. Afterward, we made plans to get together. He insisted on coming over to my apartment. I told a friend. She said. "What are you nuts?" But, it was too late. He was already on his way. I pretended not to be home when he rang the bell. Waited 10 mins, then had to go to the bathroom. After I flushed the toilet, he started ringing the again. I called a friend to come over. The guy was gone before he arrived. I guess this is more like a creepy guy story.
I'll be married 25 years this October, to no one associated with the creepy guy story. My husband and I were in the same class in high school. Years later, I ran into him at the 68th Street Subway Station after a Simon and Garfunkle concert in Central Park NYC.
Both? Maybe I will do a blog about misinterpreting signs (No crabbing as "stop complaining), etc..)
Glad we're friends on Blog Catalog. You can add your HRL here next time you comment.
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