Sun

15

Feb

2009

everythingistaken.com is taken
Written by Pat Fortunato   
womanatwindow.jpg
Are all the good ones taken?
Has anyone else out there tried to name something lately? A new business? A website? Your e-mail address? Your dog?

Well, I've got some bad news for you. No matter how creative you think you are, no matter how unusual you think your name is, no matter how hard to try to come up with something original, it's almost certainly already taken.

Unless it's your dog, then you can name it anything you damn well please. Fido, if you must. But if your dog wants his own website, and why shouldn't he, he probably won't be able to get www.fido.com. (Let me know if I'm wrong.)



For me, it started with AOL. Yeah, yeah, I know, I could use one of the other browsers but hey, I got buddies. Maybe I don't have people, but I got buddies And I just love those instant messages. They don't replace e-mails, but e-mails don't replace phone calls, and phone calls don't replace face-to-face meetings, and face-to-face meetings don't replace a weekend in the Caribbean, but I digress. The thing is, I do love my buddies and their instant messages.

So I tried to get a good e-mail address on AOL. Guess what? Couldn't use patfortunato. Even though it's not that common a name, so I tried pfortunato, pafortunato, pfortune, and any number of variations, including the ever-popular ms.fortune (yuk, yuk). Undaunted, I even checked out my old penname, jjfortune. No luck. And then I turned to my nickname, Auntie Pasta. Surprise! Surprise! Also taken. So I tried different spellings, including Auntypasta, Antipasta, and AuntieP. Taken, taken, and taken. Aunta Pasta in all its glorious silliness, not available. So that I, known throughout the land as Auntie Pasta, at least to my many nieces and nephews, cannot use it. The noive!

I finally settled on pat followed by four numbers, which is a kind of code for Fortunato. So far, only two people have figured it out for themselves, but if you do, it will entitle you to send me an e-mail to my personal address instead of to this site. Big hairy deal.

Then I had another challenge: helping to name an online publication for women. My first choice was Woman About Town, but of course, that was taken. I worked for hours, days even, coming up with other names. I tried ForWomen, ladyonline, womansworld, webwoman and others too numerous to mention.

Then, by some miracle, whereby the cosmic forces of the Internet merged with the phases of the moon, which happened to be in the second quarter and Jupiter was, thank Zeus, aligned with Mars (I AM an Aquarius, after all), I found a name. And the name was . . . Woman Around Town. About/Around. So near, and yet so far. Jack, who put together and maintains this site, was impressed that I found anything with just three words that wasn't, you know, taken.

Getting sidetracked for a minute, I can't help but wonder whether maybe finding that name had something to do with the two truly wonderful geeks from Apple who fixed my Motherboard (why does that sound so obscene?) during this period. I know. That doesn't make sense, but does anything make about computers (or Life Itself) really make sense to those of us who aren't Bill Gates or those cute geeks from Apple?

So what's going on here? Could it be simply that "all the good ones are taken?" Like men. Say it ain't so! Or are there people sitting around making up names for everything they can think of and then then registering them so that they can sell them? Which would be the American way, would it not? On the other hand, I found a pretty good name for the online paper from England, so there are entrepreneurs everywhere, it seems. The name was for sale for 700 dollars. Or pounds. We weren't sure. We also weren't sure it was even legal.

A great name (and site) for women is: www.wowowow.com. Sounds good, looks good, nice and short, and it really says it. I have read that the women who started that, including Liz Smith and Lesley Stahl, paid to get the name, which was originally a porn site. Nice going, ladies, but you had a pretty big budget - reported to be in the neighborhood of a million dollars. Nice neighborhood. Anyway, I guess it is legal. At least in the good old USA. (I just found out that before they came up with wowowow, Liz Smith, in desperation, wanted to name it All The Good Ones Are Taken. I feel her pain.)

By now you're wondering why I myself have such a many-worded name for my own blog. when I worked so hard to find a short one for the paper that I merely write for. Well, I liked the name, damn it, it's fun, and it made people laugh. So I registered it. Quick: before someone else did! But when I started actually using it, I saw that even I, the Spelling Queen who goes around the city correcting the signs, kept typing it in wrong: beleive it. So, silly me, I tried to register it with an alternate name. I wanted to keep I Can't Believe I'm Not Bitter, which we all will get to know and love (promise), but figured it would be a good idea to make it available under a simpler form, say, I'm Not Bitter. In the words of my people, fuggedabouddit. Don't go there. Literally.

Go instead, whenever possible, to www.i-cant-believe-im-not-bitter.com. Hypens added for readability, but you don't have to use them. You can even make it all caps. Yes, yes, I know that on the Internet, that's like shouting, but MAYBE YOU FEEL LIKE SHOUTING. Especially if you've been trying to name something yourself and are getting just a tad frustrated.
But after all this, am I bitter? No way, and to prove it I decided, just for fun, to register another name: everythingistaken.com

And of course, as you have undoubtedly guessed, it too is taken.

 


 
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NO LAUGHING MATTER:

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That's what's being reported
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A DEVOUT COWARD 
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LITTLE BLACK DRESS!

How hard was it?
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I also got my iPhone.
It's great.
Thank you Steve Jobs
Wherever you are.

  Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com

Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it  brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them. 

I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found. 

REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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