Mon

16

Feb

2009

Men In Skirts
Written by Pat Fortunato   
wwertkilts2.jpg
And you wonder why men don't wear skirts?
Awhile back, there was a show called "Bravehearts:
Men in Skirts" at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
As the piece in the Times pointed out, this fashion is really nothing new. Besides kilts, we've already seen caftans,saris, sarongs and various other forms of
skirts being worn by guys through the ages.

But could this be a trend in today's world? Picking right up on this was a CNN piece by Jeanne Most, who used phrases like "skirting the issue" (I love Ms.Most), and showed a clip of Jean Paul Gaultier, who said something about skirts freeing the legs and being less restricting. Plus, it's so fashion forward and we get to look at all those muscular thighs.

Well, this is all fun on that hot young model on the runway, but if you're looking for an actual trend for actual men, don't hold your breath. It will never happen and here's how I know.

About two weeks ago, I rediscovered my legs. I had bought a jacket that actually fit, then found that there was a matching skirt. With a leather strip and a sort of ruffle on the bottom. This also fit, so I thought, well, what the hell. This is not the first skirt I've bought in the last decade, but this time, I actually wore it. (I recently donated a suit to the New York City Opera Thrift Shop with a somewhat worn jacket, very worn pants and a totally new, price tag attached, skirt. You get the picture.)

Here's the thing. When you wear something feminine that you think looks good on you, you behave in a more feminine way (think tilting of the head, tossing of the hair, crossing of the legs), and you act as if you look good, which, in turn, makes you look better, and you have more fun, and like that.

If you haven't worn a skirt in years, and you can pull it off, you get a lot of positive attention, and you want to repeat the experience. So, when you're off to meet an old friend for a drink at the National Arts Club (by coincidence or not, scene of the first leg revealing episode), you want to wear the very same outfit

You always meet different people at the club, and you could (and I did) wear the same black pantsuit for an entire season without anyone noticing. Not this year though. Now I have the . . .skirt!!

But here's the rub. It was raining. Not a drizzle, not a little, but a downpour, and the club is a five to ten minute walk away. Great on a good night, but long enough to get completely soaked on a night like this. And even if I could get a taxi going there (oh vanity thy name is woman in a skirt), it's unlikely I could get one coming back. At that point, I wouldn't mind my legs getting wet, but it would ruin the shoes. Because, you see, with a skirt, you have to pay attention to what is on your feet. They show.

And so, with a heavy heart-alas, no longer brave- I abandoned all hope of looking fresh and perky and reached for the black good-but-not -new pants suit and the nice-but-not-new-black short boots that are waterproof. All very acceptable, but not a skirt.

And now I remember why I stopped wearing skirts in the first place: it's too damn complicated.

It can be cold. It can be wet. And you have to consider the condition of your legs: Are they shaved? Bruised? (Don't get any ideas, mine get battered by running into the opened dishwasher, as anyone who knows me will find perfectly understandable). Do you have stockings that go with the skirt? And omigod, what about the shoes? If the shoes go with opaque stocking, like tights, then you don't have the shaved, bruised thing to worry about, but tights can be, well, tight, and sometimes too heavy. If the shoes show your toes, you need a pedicure. This is freeing the legs? This is less restricting?

Men in skirts? I think not. Men are the ones who say things like, "But you already have a pair of black shoes." When men ask what to wear, they mean, "Do I HAVE to wear a jacket?" Fashion forward? Sure, right. They fight getting a new pair of shoes, then decide that the pair you've forced them to buy is the only pair on Earth they can walk in, and refuse to wear anything else until the next time you drag them into a shoe store. Where they buy the same shoes in the same color. Men want it to be easy, and comfortable, and brainless. And maybe they're right.

Because here's the other side of the coin: I had a perfectly wonderful evening wearing pants. Okay, maybe it was the two martinis, where one is my Absolut limit. Maybe it was because the Feminists of America were meeting at the club, and my (male) friend and I were talking about James Bond, and decided that if anyone wanted to make something out of it, we could take them.

I was having a good time, and ended up holding court at the bar as a succession of men came and went, as they are wont to do. I talked myself hoarse, agreed with the bartender that I still have it, if I could only remember what "it" was, and wondered what was going on here? All I can figure is that when you're enjoying yourself, you attract people (we knew that), and that it doesn't matter much about the skirt. In fact, I'm glad I wasn't wearing the damn thing because that would have clouded the issue.

So the next morning, with a mild hangover, a slight sore throat (from talking too much, maybe, but not from drafts) I read about this push to get men to wear skirts. HA! I said. HA! It takes far too much effort and creates the possibility that you will actually have to be uncomfortable. Men have already figured out that they can be comfortable and still have a good time.

And yet. I'm not ready to donate that skirt to the thrift shop. Not at all! There will be a clear night in my future, and I'll be ready to flounce into the club or restaurant of the moment. In the meantime, flounceless but happy, life goes on.

By the way, in case you were wondering if men in skirts might be less prone to violence, and that it would help them to embrace their feminine sides and not be so eager to start wars and such, forget it. Think about Braveheart (yechh). Or the Praetorian Guard. Or African warriors. Or cavemen. You can take the boy out the pants, but you can't take the, oh you get the drift. Or the draft. By the way, most of the women at Men In Skirts premiere at the Met were wearing pants. And so were all the men.

WHATCHA THINK?

Do you wear skirts? Are you a woman?

Do you go for comfort or style? Or can you mix the two?

And how do you feel about kilts?

 
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Comments  

 
0 # Kim Chisena Zarro 2009-02-14 02:48
Hey Pat...
Great "Article"...
You should wear "The Skirt"!!! You will look FABULOUS!!!
I still do and ALWAYS will squeeze myself into not just skirts but Mini Skirts for as long as I can!!
Have fun
Luv~
Kim xox
P.S. Boots look THE BEST with any skirt
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NO LAUGHING MATTER:

Did Demi Moore overdose
on laughing gas?? 
That's what's being reported
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A DEVOUT COWARD 
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Have you seen The Artist? Seeing it mentioned at
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Do NOT Google Santorum.
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LITTLE BLACK DRESS!

How hard was it?
Click on the link above
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I also got my iPhone.
It's great.
Thank you Steve Jobs
Wherever you are.

  Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com

Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it  brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them. 

I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found. 

REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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