Sun 15 Feb 2009 |
|
Oh, go ahead and do it!
It's my theory — and it's only a theory, folks— that it's very important to do small but nasty things on a regular basis. The thing is, if you don't, then the nasty feelings build up and up, and at some point you'll have to do something really, really nasty. Mean, even. If left unchecked, this situation could actually make you . . . bitter. Let's face it, you're always a little annoyed at someone. That loudmouthed woman on the bus who talks incessantly on her cellphone about nothing even remotely interesting. That idiot in your office who dumps all his work on you and never loses his job. That asshole on the highway who cuts you off. By the way, "asshole" is the technical term for anyone committing an offense, especially against you, in a moving vehicle. With off-road offenders you can be more creative in your name-calling: besides idiot, there's always moron (not politically correct, but satisfying), cretin, nincompoop (old-fashioned, but it'll get their attention), lamebrain, birdbrain, shit-for-brains. Ever notice how many expressions in our so-called society contain the word shit? But that's another story. I also feel compelled to point out that any of the above expressions can be prefaced by total, absolute. or, of course, the ever-popular "f-word." Ahem. Friggin' works pretty well, too, and is not, technically, profane. Even if you don't drive, and have no road rage, you have to put up with assholes, although here the preferred term would be idiots. They're the obnoxious ones on the bus who talk on their cellphones at maximum volume about nothing remotely interesting, or spread out all over the place with their packages, their lunch, their annoying children, taking up a seat that could be yours. Do you have to sit there (or stand there) and take it? Well, not exactly. Read on. Be nasty. Just a little. If you don't, the anger can really build up. You know how you always hear that the guy who shot his wife and dog was "so nice and never said anything mean." And the postal worker who went postal was "always so helpful" and "never got angry." Well, they'll never say that about me. Or you, if you're smart. The trick is that the nastiness has to be minor, yet satisfying. Let's say that the loud person — or the one who's spread out over several seats — finally reaches her stop on the bus, and leaves her newspaper -better yet, her groceries. You see it, and you could call out. But why? Say nothing. Mind your own business. It's not your job. It's a little nasty, but so? This also works in the office when you find something in the copy machine and don't return it to that guy who never gets anything right. Hey, he never gets fired either, so this will only cause a little temporary inconvenience. Here's an example of a small, but satisfying nasty, incident. The person who often gets me theatre tickets is very money-conscious and gets upset if I don't send a check immediately, if not sooner, even before the tickets have been paid for. Well, this person called this morning about something that's months away. I should forgive this anal behavior because getting the tickets is doing me a huge favor. Sure I should. But I don't. Not really. Not totally and completely. Well anyway, I said that I couldn't mail the check today because Lou does all the checks (true) and I would screw up his system (also true). But let's be honest, I could write a check for $114.90. And I did. And I sent it. But not before I had my nasty little moment of saying no. (Actually, I love saying, "The check is in the mail," but that's another story.) On the other hand, you usually shouldn't do anything about the asshole on the road, except to express your feelings at the highest possible decibel. It would be great if he ended up with a flat tire and you could drive on by, smiling. Okay, you could later phone the police on your cell, but he wouldn't know that, and you'd have had your moment. Or what if he asked for directions and you knew the way, and you also knew a really, really long way and . . . But these are the pipe dreams of the marginally nasty. Usually the asshole in the car just gets away with it. Other nasty things you can do whenever you feel like it:
Believe me, these little bits of nastiness will make you feel SO much better. If done properly, they will not hurt anyone in any meaningful way, and will not get you slapped, arrested, fired, or suspended from your bowling team. It doesn't cost anything, has no calories, and nobody ever has to know. Unless, of course. . . you want to tell us all about it. And I hope you do, because if not, then I have to walk around, not to mention sit or lie around, thinking that I am the only one doing these nasty little things. Please tell me it isn't true! Unless you do. Think it's true. Is what I do truly neurotic? Do I need professional help? Whichever it is, let me know, WHATCHA THINK? (Four Ways to Leave A Comment) 1) Little bits of nasty? I do that all the time. Here's the worst/most fun/most effective/ nasty thing I've ever done. (Change the names to protect the so-called innocent.) 2) Pat, what you do is truly neurotic. Here's the number of my shrink (optional). If it's Gabriel Bryne, I'm calling immediately. 3) What you do is truly neurotic. I do them too. Please give me the name of your shrink. 4) None of the above. (Yeah, right.) |
Blog Roll
- ► 2012 (5)
- ► 2011 (46)
- ► December (3)
- ► November (4)
- ► October (5)
- ► September (4)
- ► August (5)
- ► July (3)
- ► June (4)
- ► May (3)
- ► April (4)
- ► March (4)
- ► February (5)
- ► January (2)
- ► 2010 (44)
- ► December (3)
- ► November (2)
- ► October (3)
- ► September (2)
- ► August (5)
- ► July (4)
- ► June (4)
- ► May (5)
- ► April (4)
- ► March (5)
- ► February (3)
- ► January (4)
- ► 2009 (58)
- ► December (4)
- ► November (4)
- ► October (5)
- ► September (4)
- ► August (5)
- ► July (4)
- ► June (4)
- ► May (7)
- ► April (6)
- ► March (9)
- ► February (6)
Comments
- Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Oh Mr. Poole, your witty comments are always anti-... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
These vigil-aunties are anti-quated, anti-social,a... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
The things you learn on blogs . . . - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Hi, Sara: I agree about the scary stuff, but I dec... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Your essay is funny, but this is really scary stuf... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Oh the benefits of globalization, we get to learn ... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
You betcha, and I take two aspirin before I go. I ... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
On the other hand . . . I'd hate to be toothless. ... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
I think we can both expect a call from Dr. Mirsky.... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
Who wants to be a dentist, anyway? What kind of pe...
Bitter Patter
NO LAUGHING MATTER:
Did Demi Moore overdose
on laughing gas??
That's what's being reported
to those of us at:
A DEVOUT COWARD
GOES TO THE DENTIST
Have you seen The Artist? Seeing it mentioned at
The Golden Globes reminded me that that not ALL movies are
Incredibly Loud!
Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .
I did it!
I actually got that
LITTLE BLACK DRESS!
How hard was it?
Click on the link above.
I also got my iPhone.
It's great.
Thank you Steve Jobs
Wherever you are.
Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:
http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com
Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them.
I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found.
REVIEWS TO PERUSE
I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!
The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question, played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in. Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.
Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.
Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right? I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it. He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting, pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.
Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.
The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives. A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:
grapesandgreens.blogspot.com
BITTER PATTER
Click on:
Welcome To My Blog
Scroll down to
PAT'S FAVORITES
for a blast
from the past.





Comments
RSS feed for comments to this post