Fri

20

Mar

2009

Confessions Of An Encore Bride
Written by Pat Fortunato   

Although baby, it's still cold out there, this is the first day of Spring, and that's as good a time as any to talk about the subjects of l-l-l-love and m-m-m-marriage. Which two things, I can now sincerely say — without bitterness (or stuttering) — are not always mutually exclusive.

It was not always thus. My romantic escapades often played out like the words of popular songs, and if you think about it, love songs are not generally all that cheery. As in "I've Got It Bad And That Ain't Good." Enough said. As for marriage, both the groom and I have more than our share of exes, although, to our knowledge, none of them live in Texas. A good thing too, because if we wanted to gather them all together (what a thought!), we'd have to rent out Yankee Stadium.
wed_19.jpg
So, in a triumph of optimism over experience, or romance over reality, we tried again, and though they said it wouldn't last (actually, nobody said this, but it sounds good), more than a year later, we're still here, still not bitter — and that ain't bad.

And so, without further ado, click read more for a column I wrote for New York Woman and which I read to the assembled masses at the reception.

(Check out the shoes: they'll feature in a upcoming blog, Nothing Is Simple, about getting it all together for the w-w- w-wedding. St-st-st-still st-st-st-stuttering when I think about that.)




Why Now? 
Confessions of an “Encore Bride”


Why would two people who have been together for nearly
20 years (19, but who’s counting) finally decide to get
married?

Don’t ask me. I’m the alleged bride, so I’m too stressed
to be coherent. But if I were an innocent bystander
(remember, no one is innocent), I would give the following
reasons:

•Having had the longest engagement in recorded history,
people are beginning to ask, "Engaged in what, exactly?"

•We are not getting any younger, and if we don’t do this soon,
we won’t look good in the pictures.

•The groom took this new drug (you’ve seen the commercial),
and one of the side effects is a sudden, uncontrollable urge to
do something crazy. Do you think we can sue?

•Whenever one of us has a medical procedure, we lie, because
you have to be ‘immediate family” to stay together in a hospital.
So far, we’ve gotten away with it, but someday someone may
catch on.

That’s reason enough to get married at this stage of life, as
Joyce Behar pointed out on The View recently. I love that
woman; I hope she’ll marry her longtime love, too. Although
she gets cranky if you mention it.

•Tony Bennett just got married after 20 years with the same
woman— and if it’s good enough for Tony Bennett, it’s good
enough for me. We met the Great One and his girlfriend about
15 years ago, when he was making his “comeback.” I guess he
feels he’s getting steady work now, so he’s ready to commit.

Commit. Such a strange word. Quick! What’s the first thing you
think of when I say “commit”—a mental asylum or a long-lasting
relationship? Yes, that was a test. And you probably failed.
Personally, I think it’s both. It’s crazy to live with someone, but
it’s hard to live alone. Given the choices, I’d rather commit.

But why do it legally?

• It will make my parents very happy. Besides, they’re in their
nineties, so if we don’t do it soon, they won’t look good in the
pictures, either.

•It will set a good example for the groom’s (12!) grandchildren,
Now, when they introduce us, they’ll be able to say Poppy and
his “wife,”instead of Poppy and his “er, uh, um, friend. .  .”

•I myself have been struggling for nearly two decades to find
le mot juste. Or anything that makes sense.
 
“Friend” is not the whole truth, is it?.  “Fiancé?” How long can I
get away with saying that? “Boyfriend?”He’s not exactly a “boy.”
I’m not exactly a “girl” either, but that’s nobody’s business. (My
mother uses the term “lady friend,” and that’s so cute, but only
for my mother.) “Partner” sounds too businesslike, although gay
couples do say that. “Companion” brings to mind an attendant
pushing an old person in a wheelchair,  a blanket over his knees.
"My old man/lady?” What is this, the sixties?“ Lover?” Not infront
 of the grandchildren, you don't!

I once tried to invent a new term for this situation. I’m a writer,
I should be able to think of something, right? Not exactly The best
I could come up with was “Co.” As in: co-habitor, co-partner,
co-resident, co-owner. co-conspirator. Co-defendant? Co-dependent?
Strangely, this term never caught on.

And so, my friends, I will have to settle for (gasp) “my husband.”
It won’t be the first time, but that’s another story.


Coming Soon:

"Nothing is Simple"
Or: What Put Me Over The Edge Was The Flute Player




 
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Comments  

 
0 # Cris Radice 2009-03-24 07:25
Where's the photo of the handsome groom? It had to be Lou.....
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0 # Tina 2009-03-29 14:36
Congrats! I'm getting married in May. First for both of us. Hope it goes well;-)
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2009-04-17 07:04
You go, Tina! Have a great wedding, and with any luck, it will be the first and last!
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  Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

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Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it  brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them. 

I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found. 

REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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