Fri

02

Oct

2009

Sounds Like A Plan
Written by Pat Fortunato   
The Art of Procrastination

You gotta have a plan, or you'll never be able to procrastinate in peace.

Say you really don't want to see that exhibit at the museum, the one everyone says you absolutely must see.  Here's what you do: write it down in your date book with as much sincerity as you can muster. When you get to that day  — make it far enough in advance so that lots of things can crop up — you almost certainly will be busy with other, more urgent things. But you can say with a straight face that you were planning to go and had to miss it.

As Stuart Smiley would say, you "should" all over yourself about lots of things: movies you should see, hikes you should take, goodies you should bake.

If you don't have a plan, these "shoulds" can nag you incessantly, and your unconscious guilt could bubble up to the surface. You might even find yourself blurting out something like, Why don't we hit that show (or climb that mountain, or make those brownies) this weekend? But that's okay if you say it it early in the week, like Monday. Anything after Wednesday is dicey. However, if pushed, promising to go the following weekend usually works. Indefinitely.

Are you getting the idea? As long as you have a plan, you can procrastinate forever.

penguinplan.jpg

But getting out of going to an exhibit is easy. Let's look at something trickier:         A Trip to Antarctica.

You might have read about this in that fancy travel magazine you get for "free" after paying some obscene amount for an American Express platinum card, which has now been eclipsed by a tonier black card, but who can keep track of these things.

 

Anyway, it seems that all the cool people, so to speak, are going to Antarctica . . .

You even met a woman at a party who specializes in tours there. Now, you like to travel as much as anyone, but Antarctica? It's cold down there. Really cold. Okay, the penguins are cute, but come on. What happened to the year when everyone was going to Spain? Barcelona is sooo nice. You could plan a trip there and actually go. In fact, you should.

Meanwhile there's thoughts of Antarctica, which, if left unchecked, could cost you your peace of mind. . .

Let's face it, some part of you wants to take this trip to Penguinville. Why, besides the penguins? Because if you did, it really would be cool. Way cool. You might not be the very first kid on your block to trek to the pole (depends on your block), but it would put you way ahead of the curve. So if that's important to you, and who doesn't want to be in on the latest things, you must make a plan. Then you're good to go, at least figuratively.

Don't Do Anything Rash Anytime Soon

First, go online and find out when it's the best time to travel there. If you're lucky, it's right now, because you can't possibly go right now (one has to plan these things!) so you'd have a whole year to check on travel arrangements, wardrobe requirements, places to stay. Are there igloos there or what? Ski lodges? Do penguins ski? The thing is that you could procrastinate about this without guilt for a good long time, possibly until hell freezes over, and then you wouldn't have to do a thing. No passports required to cross the River Styx.

Closer to home, suppose you have a project you know you should do, like fix up the den. If you just don't do it, you're doomed. The den is there, every day, with the cracking paint, and all those unread books and unplayed CDs staring you in the face, making you painfully aware of your sloth and indecision. This could lead to digression, depression, or worse. But if you have a plan, you're home free. Hey, renovations cost money! Plans don't.

Make a list of what needs to be done. Lists are good. Ask questions. What do other people do with their old music and paperbacks. Can you even donate this stuff? Instead of reading InStyle at the cheapie nail place, look at magazines that actually have style. They must have one somewhere in that pile of People and Us! Study the pictures of nice rooms and let that soak in. Then get some paint swatches from Benjamin Moore. Such classy colors they have.

Oh! Make a file. That really helps. If you cut out things and shove them into the file, you can easily put off this project for years, decades even, with just the slightest tinge of guilt.

And now, I have to stop procrastinating about the den, not to mention Antarctica, and begin writing my next blog. Well, not actually writing it. I have time. Really. I'll just jot down a few notes, come up with a title, think about a photo . . .

Sounds like a plan.

 

And you? Have any tips for procrastinating in peace????

 
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0 # Diana 2009-10-06 03:18
Pat
Pencil me in for that trip to Penguinville but be sure not to have it conflict with the professional closet cleaner I hired. My closets are a mess! I'll need room for souveniers.
Di
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0 # lisleman 2009-10-06 06:14
Planning to procrastinate in peace - what a great idea. I think it could be the tagline of a new company I was thinking of starting.

Heading south ? I think Rio might be a good stop now that they have the 2016 Olympics coming up. You should scout out places to stay and eat.

Woulda shoulda coulda
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REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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