Sun

15

Aug

2010

FREE Advice For Freshmen
Written by Pat Fortunato   
Do you get those emails whose main function is to remind you how old you're getting – and how young the rest of the world is? The latest one, at least, had interesting information to process, assuming that any of us above the Age of Consent are still able to process information.

It was about Freshmen  —  the kids who are starting college this Fall.
That means they were born in 1992, and that means, among other things:

dorm.jpg•They cannot imagine not having a remote control.
•Popcorn has always been made in the microwave.
•Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
•They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. This explains why none of the kids at the family beach outing laughed when I said "Na-nu Na-Nu." They looked at me as if I were from Ork or something.
•They've also never heard the saying "Where's the beef," which is a shame. And they totally wouldn't get "I'd walk a mile for a Camel," which is just as well. Luckily, Mad Men features Lucky Strikes.
•They don't know who JR is, and therefore couldn't care less who shot him.
And so it goes.

This list was put together by staff members of Benoit College in Wisconsin to "give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen."

I'd like to add a little something to their impressionable young mindsets.

For starters, would any of you Freshmen have put quotes around the sentence about the faculty —let alone italicize it or attribute a source? Having always used the Internet for research (Library? What's a library?) it's natural to just paste and copy whole chunks of material into your work.

Note to the Benoit staff: add
Plagiarism 101 to the curriculum.
Note to freshmen: sign up.


Other advice (both friendly and free) I'd like to give to Freshmen . . .

freshman.jpgAs alien as it may sound, it's actually impolite to have a third-party conversation when you're with someone else. Like, you know, texting or talking on your cell and stuff.

To help you get the hang of this, a course called Courtesy For Beginners should be offered during your first semester. It's for your own good.

And while I'm being cranky (Moi? Cranky?), the word "stuff" should not be stuffed into every other sentence, nor should "like." And furthermore! "Goes" is not a verb of speech. Like, you know, "She goes . . ." Freshmen of the world, please try using "said" instead once in while. And stuff the stuff.

A course in speeling, er, spelling, would be nice. Because (Fresh)man does not live by Spell-Check alone. There's a difference between words like there and their, and computers mess up on this sort of thing here and their. And everyware.

Come to think of it, why are we still saying "Freshman."
Shouldn't it be "Freshwoman" for the girls and  "Freshperson" or "Freshpeople" for both sexes? Fresh"men" of the feminine persuasion might want to look into this.

warning.jpgI'm sure there's lots more advice for the class of 2014, like don't put red socks in with the white t-shirts unless you want a pink wardrobe, but it's cocktail hour now, and consuming a martini sounds a lot more enlightening than continuing this list. Besides, all this whining makes me feel like a curmudgeon. And dammit, you have to be old to achieve that level of orneriness. No one wants to admit that. Hey, we were born before 1992, but we weren't born yesterday.



SO. READERS.  HELP ME OUT HERE:

                                  DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR KIDS STARTING COLLEGE ????


 

 

 

 

 
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Comments  

 
0 # Ruth Lapin 2010-08-18 04:45
I too have received the odd look when referring to Mork who once said (when everything around the house was disappearing) everything is going to the same cosmic place the socks in the dryer go to...

Did you read that most students think Beethoven is a dog?
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-08-18 16:13
There is a place in the universe that has everything I ever lost. I don't miss the socks all that much, but there are some pearl earrings, and a fur hat, and some nice lacy underwear, and . . .
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0 # Diana 2010-08-18 07:57
Chief
Do you really think any of the students of the Class of 2014 know what a curmudgeon is? Besides, if we defined it for them, it's what they would call us.
Try to keep those 25 cent words to yourself. They already have enough smart-ass lingo to fire at us as it is.
By the way, I just figured out that there is no symbol for cent on the computer keyboard!
Aargh...
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-08-18 16:20
To be serious for a minute (do we have to?) I think that one of the main problems of people old enough to know what "curmudgeon" means is that we care at all what the younger generations think about us.
On the other hand, if there's a key for cent on the computer, they know where it is. I sure don't.
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0 # bluzdude 2010-08-22 08:13
How about this? "You actually have to pay for things you charge on your new credit card."

As for the freshman/freshwoman conundrum, how about the widening the use of "frosh?"
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-08-22 10:35
What's this about actually having to pay for things on your credit card??? That is SOO uncool . . .
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0 # Cris 2010-08-24 03:49
You are too funny...I love your blog! As I'm sending off my own "freshwoman" in ONE WEEK I asked her if she knew what a curmudgeon was and she said "I think it's 'like' an old cranky person." Now, she got the definition right - but threw in that despised word 'like' (which unfortunately appears in every sentance she speaks) so I guess you are wrong Diana - the Class of 2014 is 'like' smarter than you think!

And Pat - KUDOS! I haven't posted in a while and am so happy you fixed your response box so I can edit what I write without deleting the whole message!
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-08-24 04:11
Hi, Cris: As far as I know, "I think it's like . . ." is not really that bad. And dammit, she knew what curmudgeon meant! It's when, like, you know, you use "like" every other word that it's you know, like, a problem. And stuff.
The kid is all right!
Thanks about the comment system. It has been fixed for a while, and it's "threaded,", so you can comment on a comment. Maybe your daughter has something to add????
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  Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

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Writing Comics. . .
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Great way to lose yourself.
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REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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