Mon 23 Aug 2010 |
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There are some things I will not discuss in this blog:
religion, politics, chin hairs. But there is something I must talk to you about today: poop.There are, of course, words describing this substance that are far less cute, but I'm taking my cue from Oprah (a girl could do worse) and sticking with the P word. For now. For years, filmmakers have found it necessary to show men at urinals, and many, many scenes in movies and even on TV take place in rest rooms, sometimes involving men checking each other out. This is supposed to be daring? Funny? Original? Maybe the first 4000 times, not any more. So some genius in LaLa Land has decided that it's time to kick it up a notch and show people sitting on toilets. Example: The otherwise dignified and very stylish A Single Man has a scene where Colin Firth stares pensively out the window from the privacy of his privy. In the words of Mel Brooks, was this really nessa? Wouldn't his bedroom window have done just as well? Death At A Funeral, which has its funny moments, not only showed the grouchy uncle played by Danny Glover on the can, but had Tracy Morgan picking him up and getting covered with you-know-what. The potty plot was so contrived that we are to believe that Tracy couldn't wash it all off, thus involving lots of jokes about the smell of poo. Hysterical. On Bethanny Getting Married? (Talk about a guilty pleasure!), the not-exactly-blushing bride had to pee real bad when she was in her wedding dress and the ceremony was about to begin. Oh, and she was pregnant. So she had her assistant, that lucky man, get a pail for her to pee in, then lifted her voluminous skirts and went at it. Okay, I get it. I might have done the same thing in that situation. But on camera? One only wonders what would have happened if the sudden urge to do a Number Two came upon her. . . . It's only natural . . . "These are normal functions; we shouldn't be ashamed of them." That's what the super strident contingent of the women's movement kept telling us about our menstrual blood. Yes, yes, we said, alright already, it's natural. We're not ashamed. We just don't want it showing on our white pants. And then, putting the anal in analogy . . . we responded that defecating is natural, too — but you wouldn't want to do it in public. Guess we can't use that analogy anymore. Because apparently everybody does—want to, that is. Do it in public. At least in the movies and on cable TV.I was humming the tune to "Everybody Says, I LOVE YOU" from the movie by Woody Allen and was rewriting the words in my head as "Everybody does doo-doo, too." Catchy. Still, I don't want them to be doing it in my face. (Talk about perversions!) It is not for nothing that there are stalls in public bathrooms, and doors in private places. A Poop By Any Other Name: Of course, we do use the word "shit" constantly. An email circulating a while back claimed that it's "The Most Functional Word In the English Language." "You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, and forget shit, and tell others to eat shit." Pretty functional, Id say. There are also expressions like "He doesn't know shit from Shinola," although I doubt if anyone remembers that Shinola once was a popular brand of shoe polish. There are countless other uses of the word, including no shit, hot shit, tough shit, get your shit together, shithead or it's relative, shit for brains. Note the difference: the former means a rotten person, the latter, stupid, AKA dumb shit — not to be confused with a crazy shit or chicken shit. See all the subtle and illuminating differences here? And of course, you have to duck when "the shit hits the fan." Shit happens. Or poop prevails, if you want to get all Oprah about it. But does it have to happen, in full and glorious detail, in every film or TV show? I think not. Filmmakers of the world, listen up: please get your (you pardon the expression) shit together. Find other ways to express yourselves that do not involve this particular bodily function. The current rage for giving us TMI about this subject is pretty crappy. OKAY, READERS, I JUST KNOW THAT YOU CAN ADD TO THE SHIT LIST AND/OR GIVE YOUR OPINION ON "SHITTY' MOVIES. If you're fascinated by the subject, check out "Bring Colace." FOR ANOTHER BLOGGER'S PET PEEVE — That totally annoying "on hold" music — go to: A FEW CLOWNS SHORT http://afcsoac.blogspot.com/2010/08/stop-this-annoying-music.html
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Comments
- Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Oh Mr. Poole, your witty comments are always anti-... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
These vigil-aunties are anti-quated, anti-social,a... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
The things you learn on blogs . . . - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Hi, Sara: I agree about the scary stuff, but I dec... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Your essay is funny, but this is really scary stuf... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Oh the benefits of globalization, we get to learn ... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
You betcha, and I take two aspirin before I go. I ... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
On the other hand . . . I'd hate to be toothless. ... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
I think we can both expect a call from Dr. Mirsky.... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
Who wants to be a dentist, anyway? What kind of pe...
Bitter Patter
NO LAUGHING MATTER:
Did Demi Moore overdose
on laughing gas??
That's what's being reported
to those of us at:
A DEVOUT COWARD
GOES TO THE DENTIST
Have you seen The Artist? Seeing it mentioned at
The Golden Globes reminded me that that not ALL movies are
Incredibly Loud!
Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .
I did it!
I actually got that
LITTLE BLACK DRESS!
How hard was it?
Click on the link above.
I also got my iPhone.
It's great.
Thank you Steve Jobs
Wherever you are.
Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:
http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com
Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them.
I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found.
REVIEWS TO PERUSE
I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!
The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question, played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in. Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.
Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.
Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right? I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it. He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting, pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.
Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.
The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives. A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:
grapesandgreens.blogspot.com
BITTER PATTER
Click on:
Welcome To My Blog
Scroll down to
PAT'S FAVORITES
for a blast
from the past.
There are some things I will not discuss in this blog:
religion, politics, chin hairs. But there is something I must talk to you about today: poop.
Guess we can't use that analogy anymore. Because apparently everybody does—want to, that is. Do it in public. At least in the movies and on cable TV.




Comments
That's entertainment????? GP
Thanks for your comment; it's right on.
Hey this protest is at about the same level as my protest regarding Music On-hold. So I did the 2010 thing and started a protest page on Facebook called Stop Music On-hold. You should start a Stop Shit in Movies page.
If I start a Stop The Shit campaign, will you sign up?
Hey I gave this post a shout-out/link on my latest post - thanks again teaching me shinola
Thanks for the shout-out!
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