Wed

08

Dec

2010

My Dinner With Elaine
Written by Pat Fortunato   
Is anything worse than a missed opportunity?

Well, yes, there's brides competing for plastic surgery, but let's not go there.

About six months ago, I planned to do an interview with Elaine Kaufman for Woman around Town, but life, as it so often does, got in the way. The sad thing was that I wanted to thank Elaine for something she did for me many years ago, and it's too late now: she died on December 3.

Elaine2005

But then I thought: What if I wrote about the incident and what if the editor would publish it?  I did, and she did, and here's the story:

I was young and I needed the money.

I was also a fledgling writer, AKA nearly penniless, with rent to pay and another pair of jeans (so tight you had to lie down to put them on) to buy. But I had an ace in the hole: a friend at the National Enquirer. She commissioned short pieces for $500 —a fortune at the time — that were easy to write because you just had to come up with a good lead and the Enquirer staff would rework the thing into their own style.

My first assignment was to interview the great Elaine Kaufman at her eponymous restaurant Elaine's, Manhattan's answer to Rick's Café in Casablanca. "Everyone," as the title of one book about the restaurant tells us, "Comes to Elaine's."

But hold on to your menu, folks, even though the piece was for the Enquirer, this wasn't a sensational story about a freaky two-headed diner, or a titillating tidbit about who was playing footsy with whom under those coveted tables. It was simply about what the famous people Elaine catered to liked to eat, stars like Al Pacino and Woody Allen. If Humphrey Bogart had been around, he would have come too. With Lauren Bacall.

Easy money for me, right? The catch was this: I had to get a taped interview with Elaine herself, every word from her very own lips.

Gulp. I was desperate for the job but didn't know if I could get my foot in the door.. . .ElaineSign

 

Somehow, I don't remember how, I managed to land the interview and so, on a late winter's afternoon, Elaine and I sat at a table in the back and she patiently, well more or less patiently, answered my prepared questions. Elaine_Woody

But when I casually mentioned that I was surprised that Woody Allen was a hearty eater, him being so "skinny" and all, she instantly morphed into the protective lioness we have all heard so much about.

"Skinny! He's not skinny; he's slim, he's in great shape," she snapped.

I figured I had really blown it, but swallowed my pride and continued. And guess what, she answered all my questions, threw in a few anecdotes of her own, and most important of all to a semi-starving young writer like moi, treated me to dinner: spaghetti and meatballs, my favorite not-all-that-guilty pleasure. So much for the tight jeans.

The story ran, I got the dough, and I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Elaine and her rough-around-the-edges kindness.

Yeah, yeah, I know, she did a lot more for famous writers, artists and various celebs, like running tabs for them for months, even years, when they were down on their luck. The bestselling novelist Stuart Woods, who often sets the first chapter of his books at Elaine's in honor of her generosity to him, told the New York Post that "No writer ever went hungry while Elaine was in business."

Well, I don't know about that, but I can say from personal experience that my one and only dinner with Elaine was a satisfying experience.

I was young and I needed the spaghetti.

 

This story appears in the outline newspaper:

http://www.womanaroundtown.com/sections/living-around/my-dinner-with-elaine

 
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Comments  

 
0 # Gary Poole 2010-12-11 12:54
I really enjoyed your piece on Elaine. Good job! Brought back a lot of memories, since Elaine'swas in my old neighborhood. Ken Mays and I used to hang out there at the bar (of course) looking for women. Egad, what memories you have stirred!
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-12-11 13:00
Oh you devil! Careful what you do with those memories. . .
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0 # Carole 2010-12-11 12:55
What a lovely tribute to the famous retaurateur.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-12-11 12:59
Thanks, Carole. I meant every word. Especially the part about the spaghetti.
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0 # LBB 2010-12-11 16:43
I loved it!
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0 # Dick Eiger 2010-12-12 17:54
The interview with Elaine was superb. I follow your electronic reporting
religiously; and this ranks among "the best" of the really great news publishing andsocial commentary "a la new-yorkaise" that you do so well.
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Bitter Patter

Friday the 13th 
Came and went.

I bought a lottery ticket 
And didn't win.  

Reread
 
THE 13th FLOOR
To remind myself how lucky I am.

WENT FISHING!

Well, eating fish anyway.
And swimming, although not with the fishes in the Uncle Nunzio sense.

Back from the Caribbean. 
But don't be TOO jealous:

My tan has already faded. 
Besdies, before we left, I had to go through 

THE ELEVEN STAGES OF PACKING
Which is not for sissies.

Just got a call from 
(Gasp!) the dental hygienist. 
Hasn't she read:

A DEVOUT COWARD 
GOES TO THE DENTIST

Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .

 Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com

Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it  brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them. 

I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found. 

REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

Because when I am not blogging, I sometimes cook,
and because woman does not live
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:

grapesandgreens.blogspot.com

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