Tue

12

Jan

2010

ANNOYED TO DEATH
Written by Pat Fortunato   
Why are all the shows I love on TV on vacation? I'm not. Why should they be?

Take Bored to Death. It took me two or three episodes to get hooked on the improbably loveable characters and to find myself humming the theme song even though I don't quite get the words  — and then, just like that, the season was over. Sure, I can watch it on HBO On Demand, but I want a new episode!

Then there's Mad Men. And Entourage. Don't even talk about In Treatment. Reruns do not cut it. Yo, Gabriel. I need a session! Badly. You ARE coming back, aren't you? Do we even have an appointment? You can't just go and cancel therapy like that: we're all neurotic enough as it is. 

dreamstime_2033500.jpgLife is SOOO annoying.

We're not being Bored to Death — just  Annoyed to Death.

In the post, Earth To Willard Scott, about trying to get my parent's 75th anniversary on the Today Show (talk about annoying!), I said that although people are now living to 100 on a regular basis, I seriously doubt that WE will. Why? You have to ask?

Life is just so much more complicated for us these days  — beyond annoying, if you want to know the truth. And it won't get any better as some of us we inch our way towards a century of living.

Here are a just a few of the things  — besides not being able to see a new episode of Gossip Girl — that could annoy a person to death. Any one of them alone can make you want to tear you hair out, but taken as a whole, the results could be, well, fatal . . .

•Telephone trees. Need I say more?

•Listening to someone being politically correct. Listening to yourself being politically correct.

•Finding out that you're paying more than the person next to you on the plane did. Way more.

•Finding out, after spending far more than the alleged 15 minutes on the phone, that Geico CAN NOT save you 15% (or anything at all) on your car insurance. Elmer Fudd is wite to be inwaged!

•Getting a dirty look from the person taking up 1 ½ seats on the bus when you try to sit down into the ½ seat that remains, even though there's no other place to sit and it gets dangerous when the bus makes sudden movements. (You've seen the movie Frida?)

•The long, boring, inane conversations of people on cell phones. If they're going to talk that much and that loudly, it should be about something really juicy.

•Long lines. Everywhere. Even to check into the Queen Mary. Really.

•The TV ads warning of possible side effects of medications: basically, your ears will "fall off like figs, your toes will grow big and black as balloons, and steam will come screaming out of your navel." (Did Dylan Thomas write these commercials?)

•The techie stuff that keeps coming at you, so that just when you think you got it, you ain't got it. And your 12-year-old nephew does. How many times a day do you find yourself shouting at some digital device, "Why is it doing that???"

•Packaging: It's all designed by sadists, and you can't open anything without a sharp object, which you'd rather use on the idiot who made the package. If only.

•Spending a small fortune to get your toenails done, only to discover when you get home that they're already chipped, smudged, or dinged. I really hate dinged.

Okay, so that last one is pretty petty, or "pedi," as the case may be, but all these things are in the scheme of things. The problem is that little annoyances add up. Every minute. Every day, Every year. They lead to frustration. Anger. Road rage. And, probably, to an early death. Even if it comes at age 99.

Forgot about the real heartaches of life, like Monk having its final episode a few weeks ago. But we knew that had to end — and what a great ending it was!

Bye, Tony! We'll really miss you.annoyed_monk.jpg

Anyway, I can get over heartaches. There are books and support groups to help. There's probably something out there right now for dealing with Obssessive-compulsive Withdrawal  (OW). I'll go check on Amazon.

But will anyone publish The Twelve Stages of Annoyance? Not bloody likely. Even though it's the annoyances of life that will drive us all to drink.

And guess what, I just ran out of eggnog.

Annoying, isn't it?




 

 
This is a threaded commenting system. click [Reply to this comment] for your comment to be underneath the comment you're replying to.

Comments  

 
+1 # lisleman 2010-01-13 09:19
you just gave a reason to continue my NON cable viewing habit. the internet is more interesting - youtube is more interesting. thanks
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
 
 
0 # Pat 2010-01-15 06:31
Hi, Lisleman: The problem is that some of these shows on HBO etc. are really good and while I, of course, love the internet . . . I miss Monk!!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
 
 
+1 # Sports Blog 2010-01-15 05:36
This is a great list. I am sending it my wife she will love it.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
 
 
0 # Pat 2010-01-15 06:34
Hi Sport: Was it the part about the pedicure that made you think of your wife?
Thanks for the comment. I wonder if there are any sports annoyances you could add to the list? My only one is that I seldom win at tennis. And after all those lessons!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
 

Add comment

Notify me of follow-up comments

Blog Roll

Comments

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!

Bitter Patter

NO LAUGHING MATTER:

Did Demi Moore overdose
on laughing gas?? 
That's what's being reported
to those of us at:

A DEVOUT COWARD 
GOES TO THE DENTIST

Have you seen The Artist? Seeing it mentioned at
The Golden Globes reminded me that that not ALL movies are 
Incredibly Loud! 

Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .

 I did it!
I actually got that 

LITTLE BLACK DRESS!

How hard was it?
Click on the link above
.

I also got my iPhone.
It's great.
Thank you Steve Jobs
Wherever you are.

  Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com

Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it  brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them. 

I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found. 

REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

Because when I am not blogging, I sometimes cook,
and because woman does not live
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:

grapesandgreens.blogspot.com

To comment on
BITTER PATTER
Click on:
Welcome To My Blog


Scroll down to
PAT'S FAVORITES
for a blast
from the past.
rssfeedV2