Mon

25

Jan

2010

The Closet Cleaner Cometh
Written by Pat Fortunato   
dreamstime_1274813.jpgI am so lonely.

Some crazed woman was here yesterday to clean out my closet, if not my act, and she left here toting 6 large shopping bags headed for Goodwill.

She got in there and dragged things out I didn't know I had, made all kinds of piles, had me try on things to decide which pile they went in to: a whirling dervish on a mission.

My closet is neater than it has ever been in the history of me, amazingly organized, and I am thrilled and happy but a bit unnerved. I truly do understand the concept: clutter is not just bad for your closets, it's bad for your head. Maybe even your karma. Don't want to have bad Kloset Karma. No way.

Besides, the more you have jammed in there, the more you tend to wear the same three things day in and day out. Am I right?

It's a good idea, especially in these financially trying times, to "shop in your closet," instead of going forth to Macys or Bloomingdales, where you inadvertently buy the same thing over and over because you don't remember what you have. Of course, I advertently buy the same things all the time, but that's another story.

Now. If you're going to shop in your closet, it has to look like a store, not a warehouse. Sigh. I so get it, I really do. But I feel a little . . . empty. I mean, it's unnatural to have spaces between your clothes when you live in a New York apartment.

We've all seen this kind of closet cleansing on Oprah and Queer Eye and What Not to Wear, but when it happens to you, you need to be brave . . .

(Go to READ MORE.)

 

Cleaner's Remorse
I woke up at 6 this morning, an ungodly time of the day for me (it's still dark!) and couldn't get back to sleep wondering if She Who Cleans Closets had gotten rid of the orange silk top that goes under the orange jacket. (Phew! She hadn't.) The jacket is old, but she let me keep it because it's a great color, great quality, and it fits. No so most of the shoes and boots I was clinging to for lo these many years even though they hurt, because I have a difficult size and never know when I can find another pair.

Should I really have let her throw away all those black boots? I mean, I only have half a dozen left, some of them older than the waiter at dinnerlast night. Was I a wimp for not standing up to her, or wise for letting her have her way? She is, after all, the Clothes Horse Whisperer, not I.

And she's coming back next week to attack my underwear drawer . . .

She peeked in there! I never let anyone peek in my closets, much less at my drawers.

I know all this is good for me, and I do appreciate all her work. What energy that woman has! And organizational skills! Plus, she gave me some great advice I will now share with you:

Think of the best thing in your wardrobe: in my case, that creamy soft red leather jacket. The one that actually fits. Because I got it from the petite departmenttat Saks -before they closed it: the nerve! Don't get me started on that.

Anyway, when you go shopping, don't buy anything you don't love as much as that red leather jacket. Whew. There's a concept for you.This woman may have saved me a small fortune, faced with the temptation of all those "bargains" at all those sales these days. You know what I mean, the sale items cluttering up your closet that you'll never wear but can't bear to throw out because they were such a good shirleyclosetcleaner.jpgdeal. On the other hand, I find it really, really hard to throw out anything that cost a lot. You can't win.

Anyway, if the "Best Thing In Your Wardrobe" rule doesn't cut it, try this one:

Would you bring this jacket (dress, blouse, whatever) on a trip to Paris?
Sacre bleu! That one got my attention, and got me to part with a lot of mediocre stuff, although once or twice I screwed up my courage and answered No, I wouldn't take it to Paris, but hand it back, woman, I ain't throwin' it out. Yet.

How about the rule of throwing one thing out whenever you buy something new? Never worked for me. Don't have the necessary discipline.

No, I needed professional help with the creeping crawl in my closets, and yesterday, I finally got the help I needed. It was edifying, educational, and in the end, economical.

But I do wonder about those boots . . .

If you live in the New York area, and want the services of this wonder woman (she organizes paperwork, music, your kitchen - your life!) here's the info:

Shirley Martin
917-328-5958
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

See Shirley at: womanaround.com under "Laughing Around"

AND DO TELL US ABOUT YOUR CLOSET CASES . . .

 

 
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Comments  

 
0 # Pat 2010-01-28 04:19
I forgot to tell you the best part: I went shopping in my closet the next day, and went forth wearing a black sweater I had forgotten I owned, with a cute leopard print scarf, black pants and nice flats that had been buried among all those old boots, and was told I had a great look, like Chanel! Someone else said Audrey Hepburn. I am SOOO doing this more.
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0 # diana 2010-01-31 12:59
I love Shirley "The Closet Whisperer". She is my Zen closet master as well. I need to see an after shot of that closet, just for the record. No one can imagine the difference. In fact, the Universe requires it!
PS My Waterloo was a trip to Vienna
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-01-31 13:55
I keep showing my husband how neat my dresser is. He has been patient, but the umpteenth time I did this (I am so proud), he said, "Pat, I've seen your drawers before." Too true. And so has Shirley . . . Oh, and I will run an "After" picture when I do a followup to this post.
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0 # Shirley martin 2010-02-06 08:06
Diana Darling - Thank you so much for connecting Pat and me. Your are a real pleasure to work with. No resistance and ready to go!!! i really look forward to picking back up where we left off.
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0 # Gary Poole 2010-02-03 04:06
Hi Pat,
Don't despair. I found some pants in my closet that have flairs. Also a
Nehru jacket. And a leisure suit jacket. I'm proud of those, because, guess
what? They still fit! Life is good and full of treasures we need to keep.
Gary
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-02-03 04:27
I knew it! I have to hang on to those love beads and fringed jacket. . . I'll tuck them in the back of my otherwise perfectly organized closet, and hey, I can go as a hippie to the next Halloween party. Don't tell Shirley.
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0 # Shirley martin 2010-02-06 09:24
That's right Gary. Life is sweet and bravo for still fitting into those special items. Just for the record, I would never ask you to part with items that clearly had sentimental and happy memories attached to them. Besides, Halloween roles around quickly each year and you never no when you'll be invited to a Love-In!
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0 # Gary Poole 2010-02-03 10:48
Hi Pat,
Anyone for a "retro party?" However, I can't find my "love beads!"
Oh, well.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-02-04 04:00
All you need is . . .Love!
Hey, it worked for the Beatles.
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0 # Sara coe 2010-02-04 02:49
You are so brave. I'm truly impressed. I have closets all over my house full of clothes in all different sizes. I need to keep the fat clothes as insurance that I will never wear them again, and the small sizes because I'm always hopeful. I know this is not rational, and I would benefit from the kind of help you had. But I am not ready. Also, living in a house creates very different storage problems. I may not be able to find everything, but I don't have to crowd the excess in. Rob doesn't have a clue about this!
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0 # Shirley martin 2010-02-06 08:03
Sara - be brave!!!!!!!!!! Let your clothes portray the image that you want project NOW!. Chances are that 80% of the items that you're holding onto would no longer interest you if you lost or gained weight. If they are well made and classics, then they warrant the storage space. Part of rewarding ourselves is bringing home that new wonderful piece that inspires us to look our best and Shop our Closet!
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-02-04 04:12
One lives in hope, as the writer Mark Saltzman likes to say. The things I was holding on to were the shoes I could never wear again. Too high. Too tight. Too dated. But each had something I liked, so I kept them all! On New Year's Eve, I ended up wearing shoes that were totally inappropriate because they were the only ones I could bear to wear; the appropriate ones hurt to just look at them! Getting rid of tons of shoes has cleared things out, including my head, and maybe, just maybe, I'll go forth and find some that are not perfect, but good enough.
Why do we live in the age of the 6-inch heel? 6-inch hell is more like it. And no, men cannot understand this either, although they are the ones who design the shoes. Hmmm.
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0 # Shirley Martin 2010-02-06 07:53
Pat - this has been more fun than a bunch of empty hangers!!!!!!! But I wanted to make the point that only the current season (fall-winter) was left hanging in the closet when you panicked that there was unnatural space between your clothes. You'll fill it eventually because nature abores a vacuum. The question is whether or not you will fill it with only Paris worthy items?!?!!?!. Have I successfully inspired your standards to rise - like a soufflé perhaps?
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0 # Shirley Martin 2010-02-06 08:04
pat - everyone is so anxious to see the after picture. I guess we are completely conditioned from HGTV!
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-02-06 08:12
Shirley, I plan to do a followup post and I will run the "After" picture with you proudly standing by. Maybe I can ever show my drawers . . .
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0 # Shirley Martin 2010-02-06 08:12
Pat we will find the shoe solution together - first, let's compromise on a lower heel - second, let's find a custom shoe maker who can build your shoes and boots according to your specific foot measurement - third, lets use the softest leather or suede for comfort - fourth, we'll put a moderate platform on the ball of the shoe to sneak in 1/2 to 3/4" height without the discomfort! We Can Do It!!!!!!! We live in New York City!!!!!!!!
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0 # Shirley Martin 2010-02-06 08:48
Why would anyone who has never met me allow me into their inner sanctum of designer labels, holy threads and leather accessories? Let alone strip down to their undies to perform a fashion show and listen to my suggestions? Maybe because I have honed my skills as a qualified stylist with 30 years experience in the clothing industry with the last 10 spent in Custom Couture on Park Avenue. I will bring my qualified eye for fit, color, style and body type matching right into your bedroom. I can see what's good and what's not-so-good. I am only there to agree with your higher knowing and together we make decisions on the items that we both know must get the cut. Just think of me as George Clooney in "Up In the Air". I will perform the task with compassion, skill and perhaps a little finesse!
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0 # Silvia Arcari 2010-02-16 05:23
ciao Pat!Do you think Shirley would enjoy " attacking" 3 containers full of my life??!! After 4 years in storage.. Somethings are bound to be fashionable vintage!! As always I enjoyed reading your stories.. Words are certainly not a substitute for the thrill of you(you wonderful you!) but with an ocean between us, they'll do!
Now just think... Italy is a great place to shop for boots!
Amoreandkisses
silvia
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0 # Pat 2010-02-16 06:44
Flattery will get you everywhere! But I don't think I can pack Shirley up and send her to Italy, even though she'd probably love Florence, not to mention attacking your stuff. Anyway, you have a great fashion sense: "just" need to sort things out . . . Buona fortuna!
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REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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