Sun 13 Jun 2010 |
|
I wasn't afraid of getting married. I had, after all, lived
with this guy for 19 years. But I was terrified about planning a W-W-W-Wedding!Be afraid, be very afraid. Let's face it: You are expected to have what is essentially a coronation, complete with engagement parties, rehearsal dinners, and an elaborate reception that would make Don Corleone proud. I got hives just thinking about it. But before I had a ch ance to become The Runaway Bride, a
miracle occurred: I got a great dress! Not a white, full-length gown (What do I
look like, the virgin bride?), but a fabulous silvery outfit — first shot out of the box at Lord
& Taylor. With coupons! And free alterations! This had to be an omen that
everything else would go along just as easily.As you may have guessed, they didn't . . . This wedding was going to be a small, intimate affair at the apartment of my very good friend, the Shopping Queen, who also had found the dress. Perfect! We'd get a terrific caterer and serve lots of champagne. My two buddies and I would write some of our famous song parodies to perform for the assembled not-so-massive masses. Simple, right? Nothing is simple . . . I, being the bride and all (the groom was cute but oblivious), had to make endless
decisions: the guest list, the menu, the hors d'oeurves (all I
knew was that I didn't want pigs in the blanket), the servers, the table
arrangements, the flowers, and on and on and on. My friend was a huge help, but
still. My To-Do List was updated daily and my "W THING" file was the
size of Cleveland. The icing on the cake A wedding cake is a wedding cake, right? You know, the kind with white icing and decorations and stuff. Not. There's many, many varieties, and that means yet more decisions: dimension, number of tiers, butter cream or fondant, white cake or yellow (white is prettier, yellow tastes better), real flowers or icing on the top. I ordered butter cream with two layers and then had second thoughts, better about the cake than the marriage, that it wouldn't be big enough — also better about the cake- —and changed the order. I worried about it until the actual wedding when a) it was fine and b) I had had enough champagne not to care. And then there were the shoes . . . ![]() I have written about the heartbreak of finding 6½ narrow shoes, which are practically extinct. (My Shoe Story: Why Size Matters). And so the search began. I won't bore you with all the details, but let me say that I spoke to Stewart Weitzman personally. Even so, the shoes, a gorgeous pair of silver mesh pumps, were only available in 7N. Sigh. A half dozen visits to Eneslow Repair and $125 in charges later, I had shoes I could bear (barely) to put on, but which even Alberto Gonzales would classify as instruments of torture. Interesting, in my one actual nightmare during all this I dreamt that my pantyhose fell down during the ceremony. They didn't. And the music . . . Bill McCay, Alex Simmons and I came up with some really fun parodies, including the opening number, A Wedding Tonight! ("A Comedy Tonight"), "Let's Tie the Knot (Let's Do It"), and our version of C'e La Luna, which you might remember from the somewhat more elaborate nuptials in The Godfather. But then, just before the wedding, the piano player refused
to play on the electric keyboard we had, creating a mad scramble to rent and
arrange for weekend delivery of a full-sized piano. By pure luck, I heard about
an accomplished musician named Davie Lewis who not only could "play on
anything," but could play (and sing) anything. Our songs were saved. Alert the
. . . no, wait, not so fast! The Media Was NOT Alerted . . . All through this whole thing, people kept telling me What I Should Do. All of which I blithely ignored. But getting an announcement in The New York Times? Well that, I thought, could be nifty. Oh yeah? If you decide to get married — even after reading all this — and you really want that announcement, make sure you get the info in at least six weeks before the event, and are prepared to sign away your firstborn. It was, mercifully, way too late for me, both for the deadline and for a firstborn, so I was spared the effort of getting them all the things they require: including a photo of the bride and groom where the eyes are at the same level. I'm not making this up. After all this, it was a great wedding! A total triumph. Even the judge was funny: When we asked him to finish up
quicker, he said that he only cut it short at a bris. And yet, the ceremony was
also touching. I was glad I had sprung for the waterproof mascara.Comments from the guests include: "Wowee!" "Swanky and fun," "Best show in town!" (Of course, there was a strike on Broadway, so we were the only show in town, but a good review is a good review), "Better than any of my weddings" (and he should know), "Cool" (a teenager), "Not boring" (another teenager). These last too are raves. I did it, and I'm glad, and I'll never do it again. And New York Times, take note: you missed a great photo op. Photos by John Sposato, whose last name means "married" in Italian. Really. Cover photo for the song book by Bill McCay, with a C. The original post, Nothing Is Simple: The Wedding Bell Blues, appeared here in June 2009. For more fun pieces on weddings, go to Woman Around Town http://www.womanaroundtown.com/?s=+Weddings&wp-search= |
Blog Roll
- ► 2012 (5)
- ► 2011 (46)
- ► December (3)
- ► November (4)
- ► October (5)
- ► September (4)
- ► August (5)
- ► July (3)
- ► June (4)
- ► May (3)
- ► April (4)
- ► March (4)
- ► February (5)
- ► January (2)
- ► 2010 (44)
- ► December (3)
- ► November (2)
- ► October (3)
- ► September (2)
- ► August (5)
- ► July (4)
- ► June (4)
- ► May (5)
- ► April (4)
- ► March (5)
- ► February (3)
- ► January (4)
- ► 2009 (58)
- ► December (4)
- ► November (4)
- ► October (5)
- ► September (4)
- ► August (5)
- ► July (4)
- ► June (4)
- ► May (7)
- ► April (6)
- ► March (9)
- ► February (6)
Comments
- Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Oh Mr. Poole, your witty comments are always anti-... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
These vigil-aunties are anti-quated, anti-social,a... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
The things you learn on blogs . . . - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Hi, Sara: I agree about the scary stuff, but I dec... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Your essay is funny, but this is really scary stuf... - Aunties Of The World. . . Unite!
Oh the benefits of globalization, we get to learn ... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
You betcha, and I take two aspirin before I go. I ... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
On the other hand . . . I'd hate to be toothless. ... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
I think we can both expect a call from Dr. Mirsky.... - A Devout Coward Goes To The Dentist
Who wants to be a dentist, anyway? What kind of pe...
Bitter Patter
NO LAUGHING MATTER:
Did Demi Moore overdose
on laughing gas??
That's what's being reported
to those of us at:
A DEVOUT COWARD
GOES TO THE DENTIST
Have you seen The Artist? Seeing it mentioned at
The Golden Globes reminded me that that not ALL movies are
Incredibly Loud!
Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .
I did it!
I actually got that
LITTLE BLACK DRESS!
How hard was it?
Click on the link above.
I also got my iPhone.
It's great.
Thank you Steve Jobs
Wherever you are.
Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:
http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com
Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them.
I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found.
REVIEWS TO PERUSE
I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!
The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question, played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in. Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.
Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.
Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right? I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it. He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting, pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.
Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.
The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives. A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:
grapesandgreens.blogspot.com
BITTER PATTER
Click on:
Welcome To My Blog
Scroll down to
PAT'S FAVORITES
for a blast
from the past.
I wasn't afraid of getting married. I had, after all, lived
with this guy for 19 years. But I was terrified about planning a W-W-W-Wedding!
ance to become The Runaway Bride, a
miracle occurred: I got a great dress! Not a white, full-length gown (What do I
look like, the virgin bride?), but a fabulous silvery outfit — first shot out of the box at Lord
& Taylor. With coupons! And free alterations! This had to be an omen that
everything else would go along just as easily.
I, being the bride and all (the groom was cute but oblivious), had to make endless
decisions: the guest list, the menu, the hors d'oeurves (all I
knew was that I didn't want pigs in the blanket), the servers, the table
arrangements, the flowers, and on and on and on. My friend was a huge help, but
still. My To-Do List was updated daily and my "W THING" file was the
size of Cleveland. 
But then, just before the wedding, the piano player refused
to play on the electric keyboard we had, creating a mad scramble to rent and
arrange for weekend delivery of a full-sized piano. By pure luck, I heard about
an accomplished musician named Davie Lewis who not only could "play on
anything," but could play (and sing) anything. Our songs were saved. Alert the
. . . no, wait, not so fast!
A total triumph. Even the judge was funny: When we asked him to finish up
quicker, he said that he only cut it short at a bris. And yet, the ceremony was
also touching. I was glad I had sprung for the waterproof mascara.




Comments
And those shoes are still so-o-o cute (not to mention the groom!).
Besides, I heard you were going to renew your vows, I know someone, who knows someone, who knows Lady GaGa. Interested?
I had a blast, and can definitely say I have never been to another wedding like it, including my own! :O)
Who is the lovely lady in your picture?
The lovely lady is Diana, AKA The Shopping Queen.
Did you do all the elaborate hand gestures during Che la Luna?
I don't remember any hand gestures, mostly because we were all holding song books. Maybe at the anniversary party . . .
I'm hoping that we can have an anniversary party next year.
(I probably should start planning it now . . .)
RSS feed for comments to this post