Mon

07

Jun

2010

Sex And WHAT City?
Written by Pat Fortunato   
Samantha doesn't have sex until the end of this not-so-hot sequel, and then, it's not even in The City  — but on some sand dune in the Hamptons with a guy she met in Abu Dhabi, played in the movie by Morocco.

You know what? That steamy scene seemed gratuitous. The most sexual thing in SATC2 til then was a kiss between Carrie and Aidan. And Carrie is so freaked out by this kiss (this KISS!) that she calls Big, her husband of two years whom we now call John because that's his name, to confess the terrible, horrible, awful thing she did. So it's not just What City, but What Sex?

satcmovie.jpgCome on ladies, we came to see a spin-off of a show that was really frank, often outrageous and sometimes hysterically funny about sex. The scene in the taxi when Charlotte, the conservative one, reveals what her new boyfriend wants to do to her derriere — just as the cab hits a bump in the road — is priceless. "What was that?" she asks, and the girls respond as one, "A preview." Even the cabbie smirked. The girls were funny then.

And where did these women and their endless supply of hot-to-trot men have all this many-splendored sex? In.The.City.

The title was not, however, Sex IN the City, but Sex AND The City, because Manhattan (and occasionally Brooklyn and Staten Island too) was a character in the show. We loved it! New Yorkers got to see all the "in" places and out-of- towners got a glimpse of a life that never did and never will exist.
sadshaw2.jpg
It's too bad about the "Scary Sadshaws" —
young women who come to NY looking for SATC, and are, to put it mildly, wildly disappointed.

But some wannabees do seem to be having a blast, don't they? I know this: the TV show was pure fantasy, and it sure worked for me.

I lived vi-Carrie-iously for 6 sexy seasons.

And then, there's the movie . . .

These Are Big Problems?
Besides the BFD of the kiss, Carrie's biggest problem is that Big, I mean, John, likes to watch TV. In their gazillion-dollar apartment with a walk-in closet bigger than many a walk-up apartment in this overcrowded town. Carrie doesn't cook — but complains about take-out because she wants her husband to take her out. Bummer. Meanwhile, Miranda is misunderstood at work as a high-paid attorney (boo-hoo) and Charlotte is finding it hard being a mother. Really? Why didn't someone tell us about this before?

satc2camel.jpgBut then, thank heavens, just in the nick of time, Samantha gets a gig in the Middle East and takes the quartet to a technicolor fantasy-land, where they wear designer duds in 110 heat, are waited on hand and foot, and generally act like Ugly Americans. I did like the part on the cranky camel when Samantha complains to Carrie that she's having a hot flash, and Carrie quips that under these conditions if she weren't having a hot flash, she'd be dead.

The movie had lots of quips: wince all you want, but "Lawrence of My Labia" is pretty good.

But quotable quips and multiple wardrobe changes do not a movie make. The TV series was so smart; this movie requires you to drink lots of Cosmos beforehand and check your IQ at the door.

But you know what? I could do that. I have done that. I might even be able to forgive the lame plot, the ridiculous coincidences, and that these women are mortified by the mere thought of flying coach or not having paid help for their children. But the movie did the unforgivable: it two-timed one of my favorite characters — no, not the Absolute Hunk, although lord knows, Samantha is nuts to ignore that man — I'm talking about The City.

Ladies, please. Come (you should pardon the pun) back to New York. Wear anything you want, change clothes every ten minutes if that makes you happy, ride camels in Central Park, hire an assistant named Abdul ("as in Paula"), attend lots of gay weddings (over the top fun in the film), hire Liza Minelli to do a cover of Single Ladies (!!) and okay, you can even go to the Hamptons to frolic on the dunes. Once in a while.

But stay close to home, because if you can make it here . . .
You don't have to go to Abba Dabba Doo. 

I think I'm mixing my metaphors, but then, so did the producers of this it-could-have-been-and-should-been-better-for-all-of-us-fans film. Harumph.

SO? SEEN IT? LIKE IT, HATE IT?
WAITING FOR THE DVD?


 

 
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Comments  

 
0 # Diana 2010-06-07 09:37
Alas, I did kick back several Cosmos before seeing the movie. It did improve my mood, but could not save the movie for me. I fear our girls, who in the past have overcome larger obstacles than a Moroccan dune, are toast. I have no hope that SATC 3 will ever appear on a screen of any size.
I have been in mourning since I saw the movie--wearing my newest black Prada and black patent Manolo mules. It's only right.
Sigh...
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0 # Pat 2010-06-07 11:32
Toast? They're more like, as Carson K would say on Queer Eye, croutons!
But I still love the series — On Demand. We also should warn people not to watch the show on commercial TV, which not only has, well, commercials, but leaves out the best parts.
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0 # Diana 2010-06-08 05:50
I agree totally about cable, Smith's butt is pretty cute. Does anyone out there have SJP's email address???
She, after all, was listed as the producer this female version of "Ishtar".
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0 # Alex 2010-06-08 06:15
The line about Abba Dabba Doo was priceless!
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0 # LGC 2010-06-09 11:10
But how do you REALLY feel???
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0 # Gary Poole 2010-06-10 08:40
Thanks for the warning. I got bad vibes from watching the previews.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2010-06-10 16:40
Your vibes will get worse if you see the film.
But I think that the reason that the reviews were SO bad, mine included (the movie wasn't as bad as some) is that, as fans of the TV show, we were so disappointed. With everything happening in the world at the moment, we didn't need another downer.
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REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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