Mon

01

Mar

2010

Cleanliness Is Next To Impossible!
Written by Pat Fortunato   
So when you achieve it, you're practically speechless. Words, as they say (using words, of course) cannot express such feelings. But I'll try.
shirleycloset.jpg
Would you believe that the very same person who couldn't find anything in her own apartment (I've Lost It !) and threatened to hire the detectives of Law & Order to find all the MII's  (articles Missing In Inaction) has turned into a "Do I really need this, no, I'll throw it out and make more room" kind of gal.

Who knew?

As a woman under the influence — of a Closet Cleaner named Shirley — I have gone beyond mere clothes and shoes, and have even cleared out the medicine chest over the sink, the one that contains no medicine but lots of products from Clarins, YSL, Estee Lauder, and Chanel. A lot less than it was yesterday, though. Plus, I found some nice peachy blush and the perfect eyebrow pencil.

That's the thing about clearing things out: among all the junk you should have thrown out ages ago, you find a treasure or two. And it's free! This shopping in your closet philosophy is definitely an idea whose time has come.

And now, in the interest of full disclosure, and because a picture is worth oh you know, I'm going to show you my drawers . . .

drawerpartions.jpgHave you ever seen anything so . . . perfect? Are you reaching for your phone to call Shirley, the Life Style Organizer, AKA the Closet Cleaner? Are you really, really jealous?

Don't get too excited: I'm not totally cured.

This very morning I spent fifteen minutes looking for the little sweeper thingie (otherwise known as the brush for the dustbin). when it was sitting right next to the big sweeper thingie (otherwise known as the broom). Still can't find the travel iron or the heart-shaped bookmark from Tiffanys. Tiffanys! And the den: let's not go there. Literally. Shirley called it "funky," and she was being kind.

lennywedding.jpgBut on the bright side, I have conquered the clutter in the hall closet, having thrown out several items that were old enough to vote in this (or any other) state, and moved the "non-seasonal" jackets to the back of another closet, where there now is (GASP!) room for them.

So now, when stylish neighbors like Lenny come to visit, there's a place to hang up his coat, not to mention his hat.

Will wonders, I ask you, never cease???

dreamstime_1274813.jpg


If  your closet looks like this . . . you might want to contact Shirley Martin, Life Style Organizer: 917-328-5958 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

If your closet looks like this . . . check out The Closet Cleaner Cometh.

If your closet looks like this . . . or even if it doesn't,
leave a comment so that I know I'm not alone in my Clutterhood.

 


 
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Comments  

 
0 # Susan Schuander 2010-03-02 12:36
What is Lenny's last name? Did he used to go to tennis camp in western MA, can't remember the name. He looks quite dapper, as did the Lenny I remember from tennis camp, dressed in white while I was wearing old shorts and a T shirt, no fancy Fila for me.
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0 # Leonard Herbst 2010-03-03 04:51
Susan

my last name is Herbst & yes I did attend tennis camp in Western MA. thanks for the current compliment. Isn't Pat's Blog great, what a small world, how is your tennis game?

Lenny
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0 # Susan Schuander 2010-03-15 11:01
Yes, it is you. Ha, you're right, that IS your last name!!!! I was there with Nan Myers and Gail Benjamin, my name is Susan Howard. We all had a lot of fun, you were so funny! I have retired from tennis, many back surgeries, and now I remember where the tennis was, Andover! Had a brain freeze on last comment on Pat's blog. How is your tennis? How do you know Pat? I met her in my neighborhood in East Hampton when she had a home there.
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0 # Leonard Herbst 2010-03-15 15:03
Hi Susan
what a small world, of course i remember you but as Susan Howard. What a great time indeed we all had at Total Tennis. Are you in contact with Nan & Gail? Pat & I are friends, we live in the same building, the same place you came for my July 4th party many moons ago. Tennis & I are no longer user friendly, due to a back injury. Are you living in town or in East Hampton?
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0 # Susan Schuander 2010-03-16 04:26
Lenny, I am in tough with Nan, she got married and moved to Philadelphia
about 15 yrs ago. She just recently had some serious surgery on her ear, poor thing she doesn't "get a break". Gail and I were in touch a couple of years ago, she and her friend Ellen were writing a book on women who were single for a long time and then got married. That is the last I have heard from her. I spend most of my time in East Hampton and Boca Raton, but we do keep a pied a terre in Manhattan, 72 and Third, I would live there but have a New Jersey husband, you get the picture! What are you "up to"? So great hearing from you. It was your smile that clued me in that your were "the " hilarious Lenny from Tennis camp.
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0 # Susan Schuander 2010-03-15 16:01
PS, Lenny, it was Amherst, All American Tennis?
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0 # Pat 2010-03-03 04:56
Talk about small world: the theory that there are really only 200 people in the world, and we just keep meeting them over and over, has been proven again!
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0 # Mimi Kidd 2010-03-03 06:18
I met Shirley years before her current career, she was and still is a wonderful singer. When I renovated my apartment and made new closets she came in and organized my life. She did everything from closets to financial papers to organizing recipes. I refer to her as "my everyready bunny". She gets more done in a consolidated amount of time than I would in a week. SHE IS AMAZING!! I referred her to a friend who referred her to Pat. SHE IS AWESOME!! Worth every penny you pay her. (Besides you would never do as much as fast as she does.
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0 # Diana 2010-03-03 12:34
I too have experienced the "ever-ready bunny" know as Shirley. She organized my clothes closets back in October and I am happy to report that they still are neat and user friendly. I honestly couldn't believe it. She is now back again raiding the hall closet, file cabinets, and (eek) the kid's rooms.
She tells funny stories to keep me amused and interested and takes all the black bags filled with my old stuff out before I have a chance to change my mind.
She really is a Life Style Organizer--now, am I asking to much for her to find me a date for Saturday night? Pat says there are really on 200 people in the world, how hard could it be?
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0 # Shirley Martin 2010-03-04 11:16
You girls are funny and it has been my pleasure meet you. Mimi, thank you for the introduction to this group and allowing me into the inner sanctum. It feels like you really have each other's backs and that's awfully comforting to see here in Gotham City! So Diana, if we put some positive feng shui attention on your love corner in your bedroom, I am sure the Saturday night date will appear out of nowhere. Poof! Be careful what you ask for!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!
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0 # One of The Guys 2010-03-05 11:00
I'm all about throwing things out. Let me back up. NOW, I'm all about it, except when it comes to my books and old vinyl records. I used to be even more of a pack rat.

My closet is clean because I barely own any clothes. My wife's closet is full of stuff she hasn't worn since we started dating. She has a hard time getting rid of stuff unless she can replace it immediately.

She's a one to one type of gal. Throw one out. Put one back. Hmm........
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0 # Pat 2010-03-06 12:12
Hi, Guy: I tried the one thing in, one thing out method, but I didn't have the discipline. For clothes, it was more like 4 things in, maybe 1 thing out. I needed someone to nudge me. And books and records (DVDs, even tapes!) ? forget it. I'm still working on the 8-tracks.
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REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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