I'M SUING FACEBOOK!!
Written by Pat Fortunato   
Tuesday, 19 April 2011 09:54
MarkZWill people ever stop coming out of the woodwork to sue Mark Zuckerberg — and leave the poor guy alone so he can enjoy his billions in peace?

No way. In fact, I'm suing the Big Z myself.

Hell, everybody else is.

Following in the footsteps of Eduardo Saverin, Sean Parker, and the Winklevoss twins (all portrayed in the movie, The Social Network), The New York Times reports that a new player on the scene, one Paul Ceglia, has emerged to claim that he owns 84% —or perhaps a mere 50% — of Facebook.

The story, as you may have guessed, is a weird one. Mr. Ceglia, a wood-pellet salesman from upstate New York who has pleaded guilty to possession of hallucinogenic mushrooms and has assorted or even sordid charges against him for fraud, claims to have signed a contract with Mr. Z, 18 at the time, giving him a 50% stake in a project called "The Face Book" or "The Page Book" — for $1000. Not a bad return on investment.

Various emails, which extremely cynical people claim were concocted after the fact, indicate that besides the original 50%, Zuckerberg would cede 1 % more for every day he was late with the project, whatever that was. Yikes! Imagine if you could make a deal like that with the guy who's renovating your kitchen. He'd end up paying you! But I digress.

In one of the alleged emails, Mr. Z asks that Mr. C rescind the penalty clause and go back to the 50/50 split. So that that proves it, right? There WAS a deal. Ready to settle, Zuckerberg?

Shorty isn't the only one this guy's out to get.Ceglia_GetShorty

But Ceglia isn't greedy. Even though 1% a day really adds up, and the young Mr. Zuckerberg was probably more than 34 days late on whatever project Ceglia imagines they were working on, he is now only asking for 50% of Facebook.

When asked why he waited so long to come forward with his claim, Ceglia said he had forgotten about the contract. Hey, something like that could slip anybody's mind.

I myself had forgotten some vital information concerning my own case against Facebook. . .

On several occasions, in emails and in my writing (some of it copyrighted!), I have used the words "face" and "book" in the very same article, or the same page — even in the same sentence! In one instance, I said, and I quote, "She lifted her face from her book. . ." to do something or other. Another time, I wrote: "It's a crime to deface books." No? Okay, how about this: "Let's face it, books are toast.'

On two separate occasions, I actually used the words in sequence! "I can't face books too early in the morning." Or: "It was written all over her face, books were boring.." Okay, so there's a comma in there. Sue me.

As for Page Book, I've used the words, "page" and "book" many times in many articles, although the best example I can come up with on short notice comes from a piece on hairstyles and may actually have been "page boy."

Winklevoss65No matter. I'll get a good lawyer and sue the hell out of Zuckerberg, Facebook, The Facebook (hell, I would have told him to drop the "The" if anybody had asked), Page Book if it exists, Ceglia for his 50%, the Winklevoss twins because they'd look good in court and we know they have at least $65 million from their law suit.

I'd also sue Sean Parker, or Sean Penn if Parker is out of the country, Eduardo Saverin for however much he got in the secret settlement, and anyone who has come within 50 yards of Zuckerberg, Zuckerberg's computer, my computer, a guy named Mark Zuckerman who's sometimes confused with Zuckerberg, Harvard because they should have known better,  and the Jersey Shore (both the show and the place), where I sometimes write blogs that invariably contain the words face, book, and page.

As Un-American as this may sound, and it pains me to admit it, I have never actually sued anyone for anything in my whole life. Unless you count my divorces, and let's not go there.

Up until now, my motto has been "Neither a suer nor a suee be." But a girl has to change with the times, and I say the time is now.

As for you, dear reader: Leave a comment, and get me a lawyer.
Not necessarily in that order.
How about a class action: Anyone want to join in????

 
This is a threaded commenting system. click [Reply to this comment] for your comment to be underneath the comment you're replying to.

Comments  

 
0 # Lulu 2011-04-19 11:35
Love your motto, but I think you should sue the suckers.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-04-20 12:19
You're right: mottoes are meant to be broken.
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0 # Elf Ahearn 2011-04-20 09:52
I'm in if we can include Warren Buffet. A) My family lives in the Berkshires.
B) Anne Hathaway is an artist whose work I admire.
Case closed.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-04-20 12:21
I'm sure we could get Warren.
But I'm confused about Anne Hathaway. She wasn't in the movie, was she?
Or is just that's she's on Facebook.
That should be enough . . .
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0 # Diana 2011-04-20 15:58
I think we should sue Facebook just because it alerts everyone you know or have ever met in your whole life that it's your birthday. I wouldn't mind that much if everyone sent presents. They don't.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-04-20 16:52
You know what's worse: something called Geni. They not only announce your birthday, they give your (gasp!) age. The nerve! I think I'll sue them too.
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0 # Diana 2011-04-20 17:09
Count me in--the nerve!
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0 # Patty Drozd 2011-04-21 21:42
You've got me going!!! I wanna sue the pants and maybe the faces off everybody!! Even my dog, who rested his face upon the book I was reading, before I grabbed my laptop and read this, wants to sue. We've consulted with each other and (between us) have come up with some interesting people whose wealth we'd like to share!! We're getting our papers ready!!!
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-04-22 09:07
That's the spirit! You go, girl, and your dog, too!
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0 # Gary Poole 2011-04-22 14:45
One of my ex-wives was named Sue, so I have actually sued a sue. I think I'll sue "The Social Network" for lack of nudity.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-04-26 11:00
Only you, Mr. Poole, would think of saying that you "Sued a Sue." Bravo!
I thought there WAS nudity on Facebook, getting people in trouble.
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Bitter Patter

Friday the 13th 
Came and went.

I bought a lottery ticket 
And didn't win.  

Reread
 
THE 13th FLOOR
To remind myself how lucky I am.

WENT FISHING!

Well, eating fish anyway.
And swimming, although not with the fishes in the Uncle Nunzio sense.

Back from the Caribbean. 
But don't be TOO jealous:

My tan has already faded. 
Besdies, before we left, I had to go through 

THE ELEVEN STAGES OF PACKING
Which is not for sissies.

Just got a call from 
(Gasp!) the dental hygienist. 
Hasn't she read:

A DEVOUT COWARD 
GOES TO THE DENTIST

Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .

 Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com

Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it  brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them. 

I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found. 

REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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