| Hurricane In The Hamptons |
| Written by Pat Fortunato |
| Tuesday, 30 August 2011 13:53 |
Stranded by Hurricane Irene . . .With lots to eat. Lots to drink. Lots to read. But no working toilets. Whoops.
I hear tell that two martinis at the Island's trendiest place can set you back 40 bucks. Not a good sign. We were in a quieter part of Shelter Island, a bucolic place where the deer, although no antelope that I know of, roam, and the most noise you get is from the Canadian geese passing by. Coming soon: a blog about the anatomically correct coyotes strategically placed on the lawn to scare the geese and keep them from landing, because besides all that annoying honking, these flying flocks leave mounds of crap all over the lawn. Where does all that shit come from? Seriously. Which is a nice segue to the toilets. When the electricity goes off, and believe me, Long Island Power Authority does not need Hurricane Irene to have a power outage, there's some water left in the tank or the pipes or wherever (Hey, I'm a city girl and what do I know from plumbing), so you can still get a flush or two. But after that, you have to pour water into the john to get things moving, so to speak. Unfortunately, with no electricity there's no water. Fortunately, the owner of the house had experienced LIPA power outages (interesting enough, that word is just one little letter away from "outrages") on occasions too numerous to mention, and had filled up her super large bathtub with water. We could also have tapped the swimming pool, if we didn't mind being knocked over by 70 mile-an-hour gusts of wind. We minded. We used the water from the bathtub. It was at this point that my unpredictable and nearly always inconvenient irritable bowel syndrome, known and unloved by millions as IBS, decided to kick in, affecting my own personal plumbing in ways too indelicate to mention here. But what's a girl to do . . . To Evacuate Or Not To Evacuate
That indeed was the question. In more ways than one. Anyway, it was too late to get off the island, so all I could hope for was that my bucket didn't have a hole in it. It didn't. And that my condition would pass quickly. It did. Phew! The thing about a hurricane is that you either get the hell out, or you batten down the hatches and hang in there. With all hatches as battened down as best we knew how, and the power now off, we stayed the course, learning a few things in the process:
•It's good to have leftovers. Good leftovers, like steak and penne with pesto, even better. •Always bring olives. •Always bring Imodium. •Indoor plumbing —when it's working— is a grand and a glorious thing. Since I got back home I've been hummiing the tune Goin' To The Chapel (And We're Gonna Get Married), with the words: Goin' to the toilet and I'm going to flush it" dancing merrily in my head. Spoiler Alert (Not): Modern conveniences rule our lives. We are even more hopelessly addicted to TV and our computers than we knew, and during the daylight hours when we had plenty of light and could have read up a storm . . . we never really caught up with all those magazines we were saving for a rainy day, let alone a hurricane. If it weren't for our cell phones we would have climbed the clammy walls. THE BIG LEBOWSKI SAVES THE DAY
Either way, it set a rather . . . mellow tone for whatever was to come, even if some of it was coming a bit too frequently for comfort. Hurricane, smurricane. Buckets, smuckets. LIPA, SMIPA. The Dude abides. As The Stranger in the film says, there's comfort in knowing that someone like The Dude, a lovable out-of-work slacker whose only activities are bowling, drinking White Russians, smoking pot and having the occasional acid flashback, is out there, "taking it easy for all us sinners." Or for those of us toting buckets of water to the toilet during a hurricane. Or placing anatomically correct coyotes on our lawn to avoid geese turds. Or working for a living. Ah yes, The Dude abides. That alone is enough to keep you from getting bitter.
For more about The Big Lebowski, go to Reviews To Peruse under BITTER PATTER on the right. |
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Comments
- I'll Drink To That!
I most definitely plan to vote but it is our choic... - I'll Drink To That!
Just thought that the correlation between greatnes... - OH, SUGAR!
Don't worry, Mr. P. I never count calories and I w... - I'll Drink To That!
I'm going to vote, but not on caffeine vs. alcohol... - OH, SUGAR!
Pat, stop counting grams, etc. Portion control is ... - OH, SUGAR!
And you were eating the cottage cheese because you... - OH, SUGAR!
I see what you mean: there's 3 grams of fat in the... - OH, SUGAR!
This is in the same category of advice as A piece ... - OH, SUGAR!
Do what I do - don't wear your glasses when you ea... - It's No Yoke!
If it ever does, I'm going to document it and keep...
Bitter Patter
Friday the 13th
Came and went.
I bought a lottery ticket
And didn't win.
Reread
THE 13th FLOOR
To remind myself how lucky I am.
WENT FISHING!
Well, eating fish anyway.
And swimming, although not with the fishes in the Uncle Nunzio sense.
Back from the Caribbean.
But don't be TOO jealous:
My tan has already faded.
Besdies, before we left, I had to go through
THE ELEVEN STAGES OF PACKING
Which is not for sissies.
Just got a call from
(Gasp!) the dental hygienist.
Hasn't she read:
A DEVOUT COWARD
GOES TO THE DENTIST
Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .
Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:
http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com
Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them.
I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found.
REVIEWS TO PERUSE
I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!
The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question, played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in. Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.
Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.
Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right? I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it. He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting, pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.
Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.
The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives. A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:
grapesandgreens.blogspot.com
BITTER PATTER
Click on:
Welcome To My Blog
Scroll down to
PAT'S FAVORITES
for a blast
from the past.
To tell the truth, we weren't exactly in the Hamptons when Irene hit, but close enough —on the island of Shelter, where Hugh Carey's ghost roams the golf course and so many high end restaurants are sprouting up that this lovely getaway may end up being called Shelter Hampton. God forfend.
•Martinis by candlelight are very nice.
Luckily, before the power went out, we had watched The Big Lebowski, me for the umpteenth time, the others for the first. I don't know which is best —revisiting a cult classic that you know you will love, or experiencing it anew.




Comments
Killed two crickets in my bedroom on Monday. Trying to get away from the hurricane, perhaps? Oh, screw Mother Nature and give me a good garbage truck any time.
I'm humming the theme from the TV show Green Acres:
New York is where I'd rather stay.
I get allergic smelling hay.
I just adore a penthouse view.
Dah-ling I love you but give me Park Avenue
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