| Aunties Of The World. . . Unite! |
| Written by Pat Fortunato |
| Monday, 30 January 2012 16:43 |
|
Auntie Pasta is pissed. And you'd be too, if your nickname was Auntie Pasta and you read the piece in Friday's Times about the "Vigil-Aunties" of Pakistan. These are the "older, bossy and often judgmental women" who go around breaking up couples who are behaving in an "immoral" manner in public places. VIGIL-AUNTIES!Harumph!
Yes, folks, "immoral," to these Vigil-Aunties means any kind of playful contact between the sexes, even just strolling together under the trees. The young people then have to defend themselves by fleeing (fleeing is always good) or claiming that they're married. "Really?" Say the Vigil-Aunties. So where's the marriage certificate? FYI: I keep a miniature copy of mine in my wallet. Just in case. But the affectionate couples in Pakistan either don't take this simple precaution, or (Horrors!) are not actually married. Revert to Plan A: Active fleeing. The Vigil-Aunties seem to have been trained by the detectives of Law & Order in interrogating alleged perps: They "peppered them with questions," according to the article: "What were they doing? Did their parents know? Were they engaged?" Well, they were engaged in something. But was it any business of these self-righteous busybodies? They who defile the truly righteous name of Auntie. I think not. The public didn't think so either. After a TV show about Vigil-Aunties tht aired last week in Islamabad, loud protests were heard throughout the land, especially on the Internet. The complaints were aimed mainly at the meddlesome women, but also at the way the show reported the story, and the direction of the television media in general for invading people's privacy and veering (sharply) towards sensationalism. Well, I'll leave the media criticism to the experts, but as an aunt to many, known as Auntie Pasta to all, I felt a sense of deep personal outrage at the whole idea. Vigil-Aunties! The very thought! Most aunts, especially those with no children of their own, aspire to be more like Auntie Mame, not Auntie Maim . . . Auntie Mame Is My HeroOf course, we can't all be Rosalind Russell, what with the gazillion dollar townhouse on Sutton place, the Japanese butler, and all those rich, eccentric friends. Not to mention the whirlwind trips to exotic places and a brief but colorful marriage to an exceedingly wealthy Texan who conveniently falls off a mountain leaving her a ton of money, the better to spoil her young nephew with. (Okay, with which to spoil her young nephew. Some of you are so strict about grammar. You know who you are.) And yes, there were other Auntie Mames, including Angela Lansbury and Lucille Ball (not her best in this part). But Rosalind will always be Mame to me. And if you haven't seen the movie, ya gotta. That one and Breakfast at Tiffany's. Two no-bitter pills that are easy to swallow. Well, I never made it to the Auntie Mame level. Who does? No townhouse. No vast fortune. Not eccentric enough, although Allah knows, I try.
Antipasto Rules
I got the nickname Auntie Pasta from a clever nephew because it was always my job to provide the antipasto for family dinners. I liked the name, and even wanted to use it as an email address. But would you believe it was taken! At least on AOL. And in all it's variations: Auntie, Aunty, Pasta, Pasto. BTW, Pasto means "meal" in Italian, not "pasta," which means. . . pasta. Got that? I even tried upper case, lower case, and all permutations thereof. No deal. Should I want to create another blog, the domain name auntiepasta.com is also taken. No surprise there. So, alas, I can only be Auntie Pasta in the privacy of my own home, and not on the vast world of the Internet. I wonder if vigil-auntie.com is taken yet. Will be. But not by me, that's for sure.
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Comments
- I'll Drink To That!
I most definitely plan to vote but it is our choic... - I'll Drink To That!
Just thought that the correlation between greatnes... - OH, SUGAR!
Don't worry, Mr. P. I never count calories and I w... - I'll Drink To That!
I'm going to vote, but not on caffeine vs. alcohol... - OH, SUGAR!
Pat, stop counting grams, etc. Portion control is ... - OH, SUGAR!
And you were eating the cottage cheese because you... - OH, SUGAR!
I see what you mean: there's 3 grams of fat in the... - OH, SUGAR!
This is in the same category of advice as A piece ... - OH, SUGAR!
Do what I do - don't wear your glasses when you ea... - It's No Yoke!
If it ever does, I'm going to document it and keep...
Bitter Patter
Friday the 13th
Came and went.
I bought a lottery ticket
And didn't win.
Reread
THE 13th FLOOR
To remind myself how lucky I am.
WENT FISHING!
Well, eating fish anyway.
And swimming, although not with the fishes in the Uncle Nunzio sense.
Back from the Caribbean.
But don't be TOO jealous:
My tan has already faded.
Besdies, before we left, I had to go through
THE ELEVEN STAGES OF PACKING
Which is not for sissies.
Just got a call from
(Gasp!) the dental hygienist.
Hasn't she read:
A DEVOUT COWARD
GOES TO THE DENTIST
Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .
Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:
http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com
Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them.
I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found.
REVIEWS TO PERUSE
I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!
The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question, played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in. Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.
Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.
Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right? I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it. He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting, pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.
Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.
The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives. A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:
grapesandgreens.blogspot.com
BITTER PATTER
Click on:
Welcome To My Blog
Scroll down to
PAT'S FAVORITES
for a blast
from the past.
I am here to defend the reputation of aunties (both biological and honorary) everywhere, many of whom would not only smile upon couples holding hands on park benches, but indulge in some hand-holding of their own.





Comments
anti-social,anti-pathetic,anti-humans who are anit-climax (obviously)and who probably need a good anti-perspirant or,
perhaps a dose of anti-freeze. ( Okay, I went to the dictionary.) Lotta Aunties in there.
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