Your Call Is Important To Us
Written by Pat Fortunato   
Monday, 10 January 2011 12:32

dreamstime_5196551Yeah, right.

And all the agents are "busy helping other customers?"  I bet.

But hang on! They'll get back to me "as soon as possible" — which isn't, I suppose, an outright lie: "possible," in this sense, means whenever they get good and ready.

The worst lie, of course, is: "We'll be with you shortly."

By any definition, waiting 10, 20, 30, 40 minutes is not "shortly." It's a bloody long time, especially when you're trying to get a problem fixed that happened four days ago — that you didn't cause!

Really maddening when it's your parent's phone that went dead: at their ages you don't want anything near them even getting sick.

In the time I had to wait for an AT&T agent, and not just any agent, mind you, but an Escalation Specialist (!) I did my nails and wrote my blog. And tried not to get bitter.MusicalNotes

When I finally got Heather, my very own Escalation Specialist ( how many of you can say that), she repeated what the original agent, Diego, a non-specialist, although very polite and probably cute, had said. It was the same old song and dance (accompanied by that mucousy music they play while you wait) that all the other agents, named and nameless, had been giving me all along:

ATTlogo •There was a snowstorm.

•They had a "high volume" of calls.

•They were doing their best.

"Your call is important to us."

Was there ever a time when an expletive deleted was a more appropriate response . . .

Probably not, but I held my tongue. I had practice being on hold. I was learning patience. When Heather finally deigned to answer, instead of cursing, I tried Polite/ Charming, then Pleading, then Just Plain Nice, then Mildly Angry, then Livid.

Nothing worked. Maybe I should change the order of attitudes.

Sigh. I finally got Heather to agree to a definite date when service would be restored. This was a slight improvement over the original one I had gotten 4 days before. It went from: by January 7 at 8 pm to by January 6 at 6 pm.

If there's any such thing as a small victory, then this was it. I guess.

Surprise! Surprise! Thursday at 6PM came and went, and still no phone service. So much for victory.

Heather, the Escalation Specialist, was nowhere to be found, but I did get a new Escalation Specialist, Lisa, who said she'd call back "as soon as possible" (uh-oh), and then Yvonne, via Irene, another of those you-have-to-go-through-them-first-non-specialists, who I called because Lisa hadn't called back 2 ½ hours later.

Yvonne had the nerve to say, presumably with a straight face, "Thank you for your patience," another of their favorite phrases, along with "You are a valued customer," and "We value your time."

AngryGuyOnPhoneWho writes this stuff?
Don't they have any idea how phony it sounds?
How annoying it is?

Seven days after this problem arose, my parents, a couple of nice old people, were still without a phone. And I was on hold with Dave, the latest in a long line of Escalation Specialists, but one who seems to know what he was talking about and was checking with AT&T's version of The Cable Guy. Oh noooo. . .It's a cable failure affecting 3500 customers. Which they just discovered after a week.

The word "why" comes springingly to mind, does it not? But ours is not to question why, ours is just to please stay on the line. For the next available representative.

I'm happy to report that after 8 days the problem was solved and the 'rents are okay.

But if you've ever had any experience like this, and who hasn't, leave a comment.

I'll answer it as soon as possible, in the order in which it was received. . . .

 
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Comments  

 
0 # Victoria 2011-01-12 15:03
When Vonage first came out and I needed assistance, they too had a 40 minute wait... every single time I called. When I was finally connected... my call got disconnected. This happened on several occasions. I cannot begin to explain how our conversation went when I finally spoke to someone.

I actually had anxiety if I had to call them for help.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-01-12 15:55
I have anxiety calling any entity with (GASP!) telephone trees. It is so frustrating I could scream, and frequently do: the neighbors are starting to complain.
Still, I would have like to hear that conversation you mention.
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0 # lisleman 2011-01-12 16:02
Pat I know you "liked" (FB is making us change our language) the "Stop Music On-hold" Facebook page and if more agree with what you wrote in this post they should join up too.
I don't like it when I know about the problem that the cable company rep. And what's with the stupid titles?
Please hold while we connect you to our low paid non-trained even tempered chained-to-a-cube rep.
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0 # Diana 2011-01-12 16:22
Webster's definition of "escalate" --to increase in extent, volume, number, amount, intensity or scope.
This leads me to believe that a "specialist in escalation" is a person trained just make the matter worse. So, it sounds like the folks at AT&T were just doing their job. Let's give a big shout-out to those Escalation Specialists and send them some positive feedback.
After all, do we dare doubt Webster?
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-01-12 16:32
So THAT"S what happened! Why didn't I think of that. These people all need promotions and big raises in salaries. Which should come out of my phone bill.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-01-12 16:25
Chained to a cube in India probably. Actually, I'm impressed that most of these off-shore reps speak English as well as they do, but sometimes it's a problem. One woman kept telling me to reinsert my telephone card, which made no sense. Long minutes later, I realized she meant "cord," although that didn't solve the problem either . . .
And yes, Lisleman,everyo ne should go to
STOP THE MUSIC ON HOLD on Facebook.
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0 # Louise 2011-01-12 22:22
Thank you for your patience (didn't get to read this until now). Forget expletive deleted. I have been known to use expletives WITHOUT deleting them! Computers are my biggest problem...ARGH!
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-01-13 09:10
Ah, computers. They seem to have a mind of their own at times: "Why is it DOING that!"
But at least they don't tell you they'll be with you shortly. And you can curse at them with abandon.
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0 # hudie 2011-08-03 17:54
I am on my 5th ESCALATION specialist of the day with AT&T right now, they absolutely suck at no customer service and I already scheduled Comcast to come out here and switch my service but they cannot come out here until next Tuesday so I am screwed until then,
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-08-04 08:42
Oh Hudie, I feel your pain. If it makes you feel any better, I had another run-in with Escalation specialists recently, and it turned out that the problem was in my Mom's apartment: a circuit breaker, and not their fault. Still,it burned me that when I called, they couldn't "promise" any service for over a week, even though I told them that my Mom is 97 and her aide needs access to that phone. Harumph!
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Bitter Patter

Friday the 13th 
Came and went.

I bought a lottery ticket 
And didn't win.  

Reread
 
THE 13th FLOOR
To remind myself how lucky I am.

WENT FISHING!

Well, eating fish anyway.
And swimming, although not with the fishes in the Uncle Nunzio sense.

Back from the Caribbean. 
But don't be TOO jealous:

My tan has already faded. 
Besdies, before we left, I had to go through 

THE ELEVEN STAGES OF PACKING
Which is not for sissies.

Just got a call from 
(Gasp!) the dental hygienist. 
Hasn't she read:

A DEVOUT COWARD 
GOES TO THE DENTIST

Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .

 Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com

Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it  brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them. 

I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found. 

REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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and because woman does not live
by martinis alone,
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grapesandgreens.blogspot.com

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