| LIFE'S A BEACH . . . |
| Written by Pat Fortunato |
| Tuesday, 19 July 2011 11:17 |
|
. . . And then
Unless you wear lots of sunscreen. I love the beach, really I do.But even I, sun worshipper that I am, and isn't it good to worship something, have to admit that there are a few not-so-perfect aspects of sitting on the sand and swimming in the sea. For one thing, there's the sand. So nice to look at. So nasty when it sticks to the sunscreen and gets in parts of your anatomy where it was never meant to be. So soft and warm and fun to curl your toes in. So hot "you wish your tired feet were fireproof." You could go Under The Boardwalk, as first the Drifters and then Bette Midler have suggested, but then you wouldn't get a tan, much less the perfect tan. Don't forget: you may not be a perfect ten, but tanned flab looks better than white flab. Trust me. Boardwalks are pretty wonderful, though.Except, of course, for the splinters. Getting a tan makes you feel healthy, even if the experts say it's doing just the opposite. Oh dear. Maybe I should stay Under the Umbrella. Safe and shaded, reading my book, minding my own business. Until a strong wind comes along and blows it away and I have to run after it like a maniac before it does real damage to those two teenagers in a hammerlock on the next blanket. It would serve them right for being so cute. And young. And that's another problem with the beach. The people. Some of whom are not so cute . . .
The Jersey ShoreWhich reminds me: All of the Jersey Shore is not The Jersey Shore, if you get my drift. It's not just that the show gives New Jersey, Italians, and human beings a bad rap. It's that when I tell people where I got this gorgeous color, and I say the Jersey Shore, they look at me funny. They were expecting, maybe, The Hamptons? Been there, done that.
The beach is just like the beach all along the shore, which is to say, terrific. Only here it's quieter: no boom boxes aloud (sic) and less rowdy: no booze allowed. We go to Asbury Park for that. A lot. But on the beach, ice cold water tastes great and is so much healthier. We drink lots of it, then negate all the health benefits by eating all those ice cream sandwiches I tramp across the hot sand to get, feeling like Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia, although in reality, I am much shorter. And have brown eyes. I'd walk a mile, with or without a Camel, for a good ice cream sandwich. So very like life itself.
ASBURY PARK IS A WALK AWAYNo, I'm going to put on my cover-up, straw hat, and sunglasses and stroll down the boardwalk to Asbury Park, where I can get a Bloody Mary and look at the beach scene. The umbrellas make a great picture: all the greens and oranges, pastel patterns and crisp blue and white stripes. One of them is rolling across the beach, but that's not my problem. The sea is as beautiful as it always is, and all the people look good — from a distance. A day at the beach. Life is good.
For more beachy stuff right here at Sand, Sea, and . . . Shopping?
The postcard shows the good old days at Ocean Grove before "The Jersey Shore." Tags:
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Comments
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I most definitely plan to vote but it is our choic... - I'll Drink To That!
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Bitter Patter
Friday the 13th
Came and went.
I bought a lottery ticket
And didn't win.
Reread
THE 13th FLOOR
To remind myself how lucky I am.
WENT FISHING!
Well, eating fish anyway.
And swimming, although not with the fishes in the Uncle Nunzio sense.
Back from the Caribbean.
But don't be TOO jealous:
My tan has already faded.
Besdies, before we left, I had to go through
THE ELEVEN STAGES OF PACKING
Which is not for sissies.
Just got a call from
(Gasp!) the dental hygienist.
Hasn't she read:
A DEVOUT COWARD
GOES TO THE DENTIST
Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .
Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:
http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com
Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them.
I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found.
REVIEWS TO PERUSE
I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!
The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question, played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in. Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.
Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.
Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right? I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it. He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting, pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.
Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.
The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives. A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.
by martinis alone,
I like this blog:
grapesandgreens.blogspot.com
BITTER PATTER
Click on:
Welcome To My Blog
Scroll down to
PAT'S FAVORITES
for a blast
from the past.
Like that woman over there wearing a bathing suit that creates more spillage than the Gulf Oil Disaster. Okay, it looks cute in the picture, but in real life, wear a one-piece like the rest of us, lady. How about that man who thinks he should be wearing a Speedo. Like anybody should be wearing a Speedo? Maybe on some beach in the Caribbean. But not him and not here.
Besides, Ocean Grove, this little town on the Jersey Shore, is nothing like the show. I mean nothing. It's full of old Victorian Houses and a Great Hall where they have religious services for those so inclined and nostalgia shows on Saturday night (Neil Sedaka, The Abba Tour, Smokey Robinson) for the rest of us.
And then there's the sea. I used to love the surf, the old "Over and under and then up for air" routine. These days, I can barely put my toes in without being nearly swept away. Besides, I still remember how it feels to get hit by a humongous wave and be dragged back to shore, bathing suit practically to my knees and sand up to my you know what. Dive right in? I think not.




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