BETHENNY, FOREVER AFTER IT
Written by Pat Fortunato   
Tuesday, 22 March 2011 14:48

 

BethennyAfterNow that's it official (in the Wall Street Journal!) I can reveal all.

Fortune Brands (no relation, unfortunately) has bought Skinnygirl, created by Bethenny Frankel, one of The Real Housewives of New York, none of whom are "housewives" and few are "real."

Who cares?

I am a secret fan of Bethenny. You got a problem with that?

Currently starring in Bethenny Ever After, our heroine is smart, funny, and quick-witted. Like Amanda in Sex And The City, she always had the best lines — but wrote them herself. True, she was very ambitious. In a good way! Forever going after it, whatever "it" was.

When we first met her, she wasn't even married, let alone a housewife, and was merely looking for love, fame, and fortune. But before she got lucky, so to speak, she was trying to get her former boyfriend to commit, and some people (not I!) thought she was a bit pathetic, pursuing a guy who seemed awfully ordinary. Well, maybe he had hidden talents, but still.

BethennyJasonThen, lo and behold, when she and we were least expecting it, along came happiness, or Hoppyness, in the form of the almost-too-good to be-true-Jason Hoppy, who looks terrific, is not a mass murderer, and seems to accept Bethenny for who she is.

Who she is seems pretty damn good to me. And even though we have absolutely nothing in common except that when hanging around the house we both wear cotton pants with drawstrings, I am . . . drawn to the woman.

Might as well make a Full Confession: I was hooked on the series from the beginning . . .

I watched the original like a trainwreck, cheering for Bethenny, and marveling at the the macchinations of Queen Bee Jill Zarin, volatile, forthright-to-a-fault Ramona Singer, uptight Alex McCord and her ever present husband, the most visible metro- sexual since Tony Randall, and the lovely Countess de Lesseps. Yes, Countess. But you can call her LuAnn.

SixHousewivesThey were joined by the long-limbed, long-haired, long-faced Kelly Killoren, who immediately annoyed me with her unintelligent, inane, and contradictory comments, but really pissed me off when she attacked our Bethenny.

No room here for all the catty details, but once,  Kelly arrived a half hour late for a conciliatory dinner, then "explained" that she was on a higher level than Bethenny (demonstrating with her hands: you're here, I'm here), so they couldn't be friends. I wanted to smack her.

Bethenny also had a falling out with Jill, I forget why (help me out here, readers!) but I always suspected there was a smidgen of . . . jealousy at play. And now, with shows of her own: Bethenny Getting Married? and Bethenny Ever After, plus this new hot deal with Skinnygirl, I wouldn't expect to see a rapprochement any time soon.

Meanwhile, the count took up with a younger woman, and LuAnn, who actually did have some class —on a show where the women constantly talked about it but rarely displayed it —got out there on her own and recorded an ill-advised single, "Money Can't Buy You Class." 

Along the way, The Fab Five Plus One were joined by Sonia Morgan, a stylish, sensual broad (if you can call someone who lives in a gazillion dollar brownstone on the UES a broad), so then there were seven. But now, alas, all the other Housewife Series began to eclipse the New York women and you hardly hear about them anymore.

BethennyGownBETHENNY_BabyExcept for Bethenny! She married her dream guy, looking radiant in a white gown that didn't even try to disguise her pregnancy, and had a lovely little girl, Bryn, whom she seems to love to distraction. Not enough to distract her from business, but hey, isn't that what the modern woman is all about?

Sure, there are a few issues, like the sweet, well meaning, built-in baby-sitters-but-smothering in-laws, and the problem of how to get her product to all the people who are clamoring for it. We all should have such a problem.

With the Fortune deal, that last glitch is history, and she is growing rich through her own entrepreneurial efforts. You go, Skinny Girl!

I have one last confession to make: I have never tried a Skinnygirl Margarita (at only 100 calories, ladies), but I'm sure they're delicious.

Hint to Bethenny, as if she needed my help: I represent an untapped market to go happily ever after: The Skinnygirl Martini. And if you're looking for another "housewife" (I do make a mean meatloaf), and you'd like to expand your business, I'm available as a consultant.

MartiniMisterThink of the possibilities for packaging: Olives. Cute little cocktail sticks. The "mister" — an atomizer that sprays just a wisp of vermouth to make a martini that's very, very dry without being pure vodka. Adorable cocktail napkins.

A  minor detail: How do you make a 100-calorie martini? Is there such a thing as no-fat olives? Unlikely. Cocktail onions are probably better, but then it's a Gibson, which would make us Gibson Girls. I don't think so.

But Bethenny, I know you can figure this out! Any woman who can make a lo-cal margarita and sell it to Fortune Brands can do anything. You can't argue with success — or the Wall Street Journal. At least this "housewife" can't.

 

 

 
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Comments  

 
0 # Diana 2011-03-23 19:07
A martini with one olive (but who has just one olive) is 184 calories. Not bad, I say. Now that I staightened that out, hello fellow "Bethanny To Excess" fan. You gotta love it.
PS Part of the Bethanny/Jill argument was that she did not call when Jill's husband Bobby was in the hospital. Could be wrong...now if I could only remember where I put my house keys!
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-03-23 19:12
You mean, I'm not the only one obsessed with this woman?
About your keys: I hear there's a product coming out that will solve your problem . . .
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0 # Diana 2011-03-26 11:35
Part of the fascination with Bethanny is that she is the good twin and the bad twin all rolled into one. Saves another big salary for the network!
It will be interesting to meet the new candidates for the Real Housewives of New York starting sometime in April. Can anyone possibly beat out Kelly for the title of "Numbnuts of NYC"?
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0 # Lucy 2011-03-23 19:15
See? KELLY didn't get her own show! What goes around . . .
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-03-25 13:29
Yes, I noticed that too . . .
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0 # Connie Shelford 2011-03-25 09:09
OK I am coming out of the closet! I too am obsessed with this series, and Bethanny in particular. I actually stay up late (1-2 am) when they run the re-runs here, just in case I missed some gossipy info! Cannot stand LuAnne or Kelly, but LOVE,LOVE,LOVE Bethanny. She is sooo witty!! Feel sorry for Jill- I think she means well. Can you believe I am discussing these crazies as if I know them? I DO have a life!!
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-03-25 13:33
Did you know about the research that shows that we feel we know some of these realty TV personalites or celebrities better than the "real" people in our lives? Witness the outpouring of grief for Princess Di, Michael Jackson, and now, Elizabeth Taylor.
But back to Bethenny (yes!): I'm hoping that more readers will come out of the closet on this.Thanks for your comment.
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0 # Diana 2011-03-27 10:47
Chief
You think there is a fan club? I think she is a cleaver business person and I'd love to meet her.
PS My daughter has tried her Skinny Girl Margarita and really likes it.
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Bitter Patter

Friday the 13th 
Came and went.

I bought a lottery ticket 
And didn't win.  

Reread
 
THE 13th FLOOR
To remind myself how lucky I am.

WENT FISHING!

Well, eating fish anyway.
And swimming, although not with the fishes in the Uncle Nunzio sense.

Back from the Caribbean. 
But don't be TOO jealous:

My tan has already faded. 
Besdies, before we left, I had to go through 

THE ELEVEN STAGES OF PACKING
Which is not for sissies.

Just got a call from 
(Gasp!) the dental hygienist. 
Hasn't she read:

A DEVOUT COWARD 
GOES TO THE DENTIST

Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .

 Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com

Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it  brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them. 

I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found. 

REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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