The Biggest Mystery On Broadway
Written by Pat Fortunato   
Tuesday, 06 September 2011 12:15

 

Okay, so it's technically off-Broadway, just around the corner at 50th, but let's not quibble. The point is that this play has been around (in various locations in Manhattan) for 24 years — the longest run of a non-musical in history. And yet, you probably have never heard of it, much less seen it.
It's called:

PerfectCrimeCastPERFECT CRIME

And it's a mystery to me.

I hadn't known about the play until last Saturday night when I became an eye witness, AKA member of the audience. And now I'm really puzzled.

Hey, I have credentials. I read a lot of Agatha Christie in my youth, Ruth Rendell and Josephine Tey even now, and love Sherlock Holmes in all his many incarnations. I watch every episode of Mystery on PBS (Don't you love Inspector Lewis and Sergeant Hathaway especially — admit it — Hathaway?) and I usually guess whodunnit before the end, although my reasons for spotting the culprit are sometimes, shall we say, suspect.  "She's the only one who seems innocent, so it must be her" is not exactly what Sir Conan Doyle would call sound deductive reasoning. Works, though.

Remember those interactive mystery plays that were so popular? I once won a prize for the most original solution to the mystery: I guessed that the victim hadn't been murdered at all, but had  committed suicide, having plotted to implicate everyone else as revenge for whatever crimes they had committed against her.

Professionally, I was a producer of Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books, and to prepare for that august role (It's harder than it looks: I was even invited to the truly august Mystery Writer's of America), I took a course in mystery writing which clued me in as to what makes for a really good whodunit.

And the answer to that is . . .

WHAT MAKES A GREAT MYSTERY?

There are a number of theories, but here's my favorite:
When you get to the end, you slap your forehead and say, Of course, that's it! I should have guessed! The solution was right in front of my nose, and if I had sorted out the clues, I would have figured it out.

By this standard, Perfect Crime is far from perfect.

When we got to the end, I slapped my forehead and said, What the ?#@?#!!  I got some of it, but it wasn't until I got home and went to the site, which, frankly, I enjoyed more than the play, did I understand the whole thing. More or less. After I read the 18 point explanation several times.

Okay, nothing's perfect. And there are some interesting things about this production.

It starts with a bang, literally, and involves a rich husband who may or may not have been murdered, and a psychotic who's gotten away with several murders but wants to go out with s bang himself by being named the Baseball Ball Bat Killer, which he is not. There's also a snoopy cook we never see, a pesky policeman we see a lot of but can't hear (the actor is cute but can't project), and a mysterious patient we only hear on tape, who keeps telling us that she's left one clue, although we don't know to what.

You know, the usual suspects.

Of course, the most interesting thing about Perfect Crime (Hey, they couldn't call it "Pretty Good Crime," could they?) is that it's been going on for 24 years, and that the lead, a psychiatrist and bestselling author, has been played all that time (all that time!) by the same woman (the same woman!), Catherine Russell, who has only missed four performances, presumably to give birth or have major surgery.

She's also a producer of the show, and has been known to collect tickets at the door. The night we saw Perfect Crime, some lesser, but very friendly, personage was collecting the tickets. It was the Performance #9,967, but who's counting.

I figure that with 8 performances a week, if you catch this show about a month from now, you could be at the 10,000th performance, which would put the show in the Guinness Book of World Records except that it already is. Wonder if they'll pass out mementos, like fake guns or crucifixes or slices of Sara Lee cake.

Whoops! I almost gave away the plot, sort of.  And I don't want to tell you any more, because in spite of all the above, I think you should see this to show.

PerfectCrimePlaybillWHY YOU SHOULD SEE PERFECT CRIME

It's an urban legend, for Pete's sake, and will make good cocktail party conversation. Besides, you'll never score tickets for The Book of Mormon (you haven't got a prayer) and Perfect Crime will only set you back about 40 bucks. That leaves enough in the budget to go have a martini or three after the show and ask yourself questions about the play, life, and whether you should get extra olives.

Its still all a mystery to me.

 
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Comments  

 
0 # Lucy 2011-09-07 09:43
I never heard of it either, but it sounds like fun — in a weird sort of a way.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-09-07 09:45
Why not give it a shot. . .
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0 # Diana 2011-09-07 15:27
Never heard of it but isn't keeping a secret a very important part of pulling off "The Perfect Crime". Clever folk.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-09-07 16:48
Well, they're clever enough to get an audience even though no one seems to know about them. Go figure.
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0 # lisleman 2011-09-07 15:35
Murder is right up there with sex for audience appeal.

Thinking about NYC (which I don't do very often) and the upcoming sad anniversary - have you done any posts on 9/11? I did a short one the other day.
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-09-11 15:43
Hi, Lisleman: I'll read your post, but I'm not doing anything here. Mel Brooks notwithstanding , I can't find anything funny about some things and this is one of them.
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0 # Louise GIkow 2011-09-07 16:43
Ah, Sergeant Hathaway! He's my current (for the last few years) crush. Did you know he was James Fox's son? (You remember James Fox, right? Blond? Patrician? "Day of the Jackal?")
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0 # Pat Fortunato 2011-09-07 16:52
I don't know James Fox, but he must be terribly . . . foxy to have a son like Hathaway.
I'm looking up Day of the Jackal immediately.
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Bitter Patter

Friday the 13th 
Came and went.

I bought a lottery ticket 
And didn't win.  

Reread
 
THE 13th FLOOR
To remind myself how lucky I am.

WENT FISHING!

Well, eating fish anyway.
And swimming, although not with the fishes in the Uncle Nunzio sense.

Back from the Caribbean. 
But don't be TOO jealous:

My tan has already faded. 
Besdies, before we left, I had to go through 

THE ELEVEN STAGES OF PACKING
Which is not for sissies.

Just got a call from 
(Gasp!) the dental hygienist. 
Hasn't she read:

A DEVOUT COWARD 
GOES TO THE DENTIST

Do NOT Google Santorum.
I warned you . . .

 Just as I posted I WAS THE GIRL PHANTOM, I found a website called The Ghost Who Blogs about The Phantom comics:

http://falkonthewildside.blogspot.com

Writing Comics. . .
Was a small but wonderful part of my checkered career, and doing a post about it  brought back a lot of great memories. If you know any other women in NYC who wrote — or are writing — comics, tell me how to get in touch with them. 

I'm on a watching-old-movies kick these days.
Great way to lose yourself.
If you're lucky, you'll never be found. 

REVIEWS TO PERUSE

I'm All Right, Jack:
"Jack" is not just all right, it's totally delightful and fresh as a daisy after all these years (made in 1959), with Sellers, although not technically the lead, giving the brilliant performance that launched him as an international star. He plays an all-too-zealous union leader and father of a blonde bombshell who falls for Stanley, the British Upper Class Twit played, also to perfection, by Ian Carmichael, who you might remember from the Lord Peter Wimsey series. The makeout scenes between the the Twit and the Bombshell are priceless. But what is Stanley doing in this working class atmosphere anyway? Working. And too well at that. Forced by financial circumstances too dreary to discuss, he gets a job in his uncle's factory and messes things up for the other workers by, well, working, and thus making his fellow employees look bad. The film takes a big shot at unions — but also at management: they are manipulating white-collar thieves who'll do anything for a buck. Or a pound. Except for the ones, like Major Hitchcock, played by Terry Thomas, who are just plain lazy and inept. Needless to say, Stanley foils everybody's plans, labor and management alike, to my great joy and delight. Oh, and on top of everything else, Margaret Rutherford plays dotty dowager Aunt Dolly. Delicious!

 The Big Lebowski:
What can you say that hasn't been said before: brilliant, inspired, with some of the most memorable lines ever to come out of a movie, the most quoted being "The Dude abides." Oh yes. For anyone who hasn't yet seen the film, and it's now out in a special Blu-Ray edition if that floats your bowling ball. The Dude in question,  played to perfection by Jeff Bridges, is an out-of-work pothead who is roughed up and has his rug destroyed by some thugs mistaking him for another, bigger, Lebowski. The Dude is really upset about this because, man, "that rug really tied the room together," which The Dude says with all seriousness and not a trace of irony, a great comic touch considering the condition his condition is in.  Oh, and besides "Just Dropped In," all the music is perfect for the film. The plot, according to Wikipedia, which has been known to be wrong, is "loosely based on Raymond chandler's novel, The Big Sleep." Could be. But who cares. It involves a bowling competition, "the occasional acid flashback," a trophy wife, a group of German nihilists, a kidnapping gone awry, a mad millionaire and his lackey, in another great performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Actually, they're all great performances. Never a fan of John Goodman before or since, he is brilliant in this film. And so are John Turturro, overacting his little heart out, Steve Buscemi in a nerdy, needy role that makes you marvel at his star turn in Boardwalk Empire, and even the actors in the smaller parts, especially Julianne Moore and Sam Elliott. Elliott plays The Stranger (God? Everyman? The part of us that roots for the bad boy?) who elicits from Bridges the immortal words, "The Dude abides." Which prompts The Stranger to comment to the audience: "Don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals." We'll never know about the bowling trophy because there's never been a sequel to this 1998 film by the great Coen Brothers, and I hope there never will be. It just abides, as all great films do.

Prince of the City:
Okay, the criticisms of this movie are not totally unfounded: it's too long, and Treat Williams may have overacted a bit, although I found him so deliciously charming I couldn't care less, and there's one part concerning the Jerry Orbach character I just didn't understand. But get over it, The New Yorker, this is one powerful movie. And yes, Dog Day Afternoon it isn't, but what it? The DVD has a great special feature with Williams (I so want to call him Treat) and Sidney (what the hell: I once made a meatloaf sandwich for the man) that explains a lot about filmmaking in general and this movie in particular. Also, Sidney's views on good and evil, and how things are not so black and white as you think. I loved it.

Bad Day At Black Rock:
Recommended on TCM by Robert Osbourne as a film he originally had no interest in seeing, then loved it, and by Alex Baldwin, who pointed out the great actors in the cast, including Lee Marvin, Ernest Brognine and Dean Jagger. Well, after all that, I had to like it, right?  I did. A lot. It was a Good Day On My Couch.
Behind the Scenes Stuff: Spencer Tracey was off drinking and wouldn't commit to the film until the producers (who wanted him desperately) told him that they had Alan Ladd, at which point Tracey grabbed it.  He was perfect for the part, wearing a dark suit and tie the entire time in a western setting,  pulling it off perfectly. Other than that "fashion statement," the film makes a strong case against racism: the hatred of the Japanese during WW2. See it.

Song of The Thin Man:
I usually like these frothy, silly, suave, utter unrealistic films from the 30s and 40s, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as the couple we'd all like to be — if only we had the looks, brains, money, a huge capacity for drinking and a dog like Asta. But this one was a stinker, rather than a stinger, or maybe a sinker, because  it turned out to be the last, not to mention the least, in the series. Watch any of the others four sequels, but not this one: Even the pooch jumped the shark.

The Children's Hour:
It had its moments, and just looking at Audrey Hepburn makes life worth living, but mostly I kept thinking that the play, by Lillian Hellman, was so much better. It's about two young women runing a school for girls, who are accused by a hateful little brat of being (GASP!) lesbians. And although the closest we get in this 1961 production to using that actual term is the word "unnatural," it's enough to ruin their lives.  A young Shirley McClaine is worth seeing in this, and James Garner, and Audrey Hepburn is, well, Audrey Hepburn. The rumor of the love that dare not speak its name is totally untrue — or is it? And I'll say no more, because you should see the movie for yourself, imperfect as it may be, as is Life Itself.

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